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Chapter Twenty-Six
After Chris had takenPoppy downstairs, Agatha had turned her full concentration to her drawing. Humming along with Bon Jovi, Agatha switched to a lighter brown for the underside of the deer’s belly. Today she needed to get back to drawing. It had been days since she had put in any time at her studio. She hadn’t been able to devote as much time to her work as she would have liked.
Before she ventured into the attic with Poppy, she had sent a text to Harper and Lucy letting them know that she would not be able to work this week. No excuse, just that she couldn’t do it. So far, they hadn’t gotten back to her. They must have both been busy.
Footsteps on the stairs made her look up to see what Chris wanted. He had taken to the baby as much as she had this past weekend. She hated that she hadn’t told him he was the father, but he could be gone at any moment. They had no future plans; they were just having fun, after all.
The blonde head that appeared instead of Chris made Agatha stifle a groan. It was Sera, who would have been pissed to see Chris. And there was no telling what she would say about Poppy.
“Afternoon, Ag. I thought Benji and I would come over and visit. Maybe we should have called?” She set the carrier down, the tiny baby sleeping.
“Hi, Mom.”
Sera sat in the old green chair she always used when they talked.
“I don’t want to be the kind of a mom who pries in her kid’s lives. I should be since your lives are fascinating, but I try not to.” Sera took a deep breath. “But Christopher Lowell is in your living room with a baby right now, and I have no idea how that happened.”
“I’ve been letting Chris stay with me for a few weeks,” Agatha explained, not bothering to mention exactly where he was staying. The last that Sera had heard, he was staying in Mabel’s room. Agatha hoped that Sera would still believe that.
“I knew that. Violet talks about him all the time. And he was here on Friday when Violet was alone. Do you know what you’re doing, Agatha?” Sera leaned back in the chair.
“Yes and no. He doesn’t know who I am,” she admitted to her best friend. “He doesn’t know I’m Christie.”
“How can he not? You’ve barely changed since then.” As their mom, Sera had a hard time seeing that her kids were getting older.
“I don’t know. I thought he would realize it right away, but he never did. But he likes me as I am now.” She put her pencil down, knowing she wouldn’t be getting back to what she was doing for a while. There was a lecture coming.
“You’ve always had a hard time letting people see you as you are, Ag. People can’t like what they don’t see.” Sera tapped Agatha’s knee with her foot. “It’s always been him, Ag, always. What happens when he leaves again? I was there last time. I have never been so worried about any of my kids as I was then. You didn’t leave this room that summer, and I didn’t think you would go to college. Luckily you went, but then you quit right away. Violet was the only reason you came back to us.”
Looking back on that time, she knew Sera was right; she had let her emotions take over her life for a long time. As time has passed, she liked to think nobody noticed, but Sera did.
“I don’t know what the future is going to be. I’m trying to live in the now,” Agatha replied, hoping her voice sounded more confident than she actually felt. Though she wanted forever with him, she knew she was never getting that. Not with Chris.
Because no matter how much time they spent together, it was just an extended version of the other times they had been together. Once the real world intruded, he would forget all about her and go on with his life. Without her.
“So you love him, and now he’s making you fall for his kid? I assume it’s his kid. All her stuff is down there.” Sera’s blue eyes stared at her.
Agatha realized just how much of Poppy’s stuff had taken over the house in just a short amount of time. There was no hiding her from anyone who walked in the door.
“Actually, no. She’s mine.” Agatha ripped the Band-Aid off. She had to tell them sometime. Putting off telling Sera about what was happening in her life hadn’t worked well lately.
Sera laughed as if she’d told her a joke. Agatha did not join in, just leaned back in her chair as she bit her lower lip and watched her mom slowly stop laughing. Once she stopped, Agatha shrugged, and Sera swore viciously before stomping back down the stairs.
Sera was back in moments, carrying Poppy, who was looking at her new grandma with the same happy inspection she met everyone with. Sera sat back in the chair and stared at the baby, then at Agatha, and then at the baby again.
“Where the fuck was I?” Sera demanded in anger, only to smile when Poppy smiled at her.
“Hawaii with the kids and Harrison. I put her up for adoption. I couldn’t raise her then.”
Sera touched Poppy’s cheek. “What changed?”
“I sold my books the next month. If I had sold them sooner, I could have kept her, but I had nothing and no way to earn anything. I worked as a bartender and was bad at it. Waitressing for my sisters? That doesn’t buy diapers, lunches in school, or college. I couldn’t keep her. It was just like when I was nineteen, except this time I didn’t lose the baby. But I was in the same place, only older, and I no longer had dreams of being anything. I wasn’t enough.” She let the tears leak from her eyes.
“You had us.” Sera began crying too.
“I didn’t want to be that kind of mom. When we helped you raise the girls, you were in college trying to better yourself, and then you had a good job. I couldn’t do that. I thought it was better this way.” Agatha couldn’t say more. There was nothing left to say.
“You know we always loved you, Agatha, no matter what you did or didn’t do. We loved you through it all.” Sera hugged the baby, knowing that Agatha wouldn’t want the hug her mom so wanted to give. “What happened? How did you get her back?”
