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“Of course not. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let yourself love people. The more people you love, the happier and richer your life will be.”
Esther couldn’t quite bring herself to believe that. People were unreliable. If you went around giving out love to just anyone, you increased your chances of getting hurt. She’d already exposed her soft underbelly to Jinny. Hadn’t she fulfilled her quota of letting people in for the month?
Jinny stepped forward and took both of her hands. “He loves you, Esther, and I’m pretty sure you love him back. That’s too rare to throw away. Promise me you’ll talk to him.”
Esther opened her mouth, but nothing came out.
Jinny’s eyes narrowed with determination, and her hands tightened on Esther’s. “Promise me, or I will go knock on his door right now and tell him myself.” She would absolutely do it too.
“Fine,” Esther said. “I’ll do it. But in my own time, my own way.”
Jinny let go of her hands. “You’ve got a week. If you haven’t done it by next Saturday, I’m doing it for you.”
Great. A whole week until her imminent death. She better start writing up a will.
Esther spent the first five days of her allotted week agonizing over the looming conversation with Jonathan and giving herself an anxiety stomachache. She ran through all of the different things she could say to him in her head and imagined a hundred different responses—most of which involved him telling her he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore.
“Have you talked to him yet?” Jinny asked every day at work.
“Not yet,” Esther answered every day.
“You need to.”
“I will.”
“You have three days,” Jinny reminded her on Wednesday.
“I know,” Esther said.
“Only two days now,” Jinny said on Thursday.
“I know,” Esther said. She was well aware of how fast time was running out.
She really needed to do it tonight.
If Jonathan was seeing someone, he might not be home Friday night. He might be out with her. Or worse—she might be at his place with him. If Esther was going to talk to him, it would be safer—and better—to do it tonight. Otherwise she might miss her chance. And then Hurricane Jinny would make landfall.
When Esther got home that night, Jonathan’s car was in his parking space. She was simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Her heart rate spiked as she walked past his window. If this didn’t work out in her favor, she was definitely going to have to move. For the sake of her cardiac health, as well as her sanity.
She went inside her apartment but didn’t change out of her work clothes. She needed to keep her bra on if she was going to go next door and try to talk to Jonathan. Instead, she set her stuff down, gave Sally her dinner, and—after a few minutes of nervous pacing—forced herself to go back out.
Her stomach felt like it was tied up in knots as she stood in front of Jonathan’s door. Her insides were a knitting project gone awry that had been carelessly frogged and left in a hopeless tangle.
On the bright side, one way or another, this would be over soon.
Esther took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock.
Her hand froze in midair.
Maybe she should wait until tomorrow. Maybe it would be better that way. If he wasn’t home because he was seeing someone, it would render the whole exercise moot. She could tell Jinny he was out on a date and that would be that. Issue resolved.
Yeah, Jinny would never let her get away with that.
She would still insist that Esther talk to him. Either that or she’d talk to him herself.
Esther needed to do this. Jinny was right. She needed to be brave and face her rejection like a woman.
You can’t lose something you’ve already lost, she reminded herself. But maybe—just maybe—there was a chance she could get it back again.
