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She couldn’t even be properly pleased that her master plan to keep Jinny away from Stuart had worked, because she felt too guilty about Jonathan’s stupid feelings being hurt. She hated that she had to care about him at all. Things had been much easier before she’d gone and gotten herself involved in his life. Before she’d allowed herself to care.
Then on Wednesday night, she came home from work and found him camped outside her apartment like a homeless person.
He was sitting on the hard concrete floor of the breezeway with his back against her door and his legs stretched out in front of him. His eyes were closed, but they opened when he heard her approaching.
Esther slowed uncertainly to stop a few paces away from him. “Hey.”
He looked awful. His eyes were bloodshot and shadowed, and his beard even longer and more scraggly than usual. For once, he wasn’t wearing a beanie, and his hair hung down in his face like he’d been pulling at it.
He levered himself off the ground, running a hand through his hair to push it off his forehead. He was clutching a script against his chest protectively. “I read through every single word of your notes,” he said without preamble. “Every. Word.”
“Oh.” There was that guilt again, twisting in the pit of her stomach.
He pressed his lips together into a thin line and stared at the ground. “It was a lot to digest.”
“I’m sorry,” Esther said, meaning it. “I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
It did though. That much was obvious from looking at him. “I thought you wanted honest feedback,” she offered lamely.
He huffed out a bitter-sounding laugh. “I did.”
“I tried to keep it constructive, but I’m not a writer. I never learned how to workshop or whatever. I probably did it wrong.”
“No, you did it right.” He was still staring at his shoes, like he couldn’t bear to look her in the eye. “I’ve been thinking about everything you said and—” He shook his head, grimacing. “You were right about most of it.”
That must have been painful to admit. Esther couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t sound like some version of I told you so, so she didn’t say anything at all.
“I haven’t been…” He hesitated, his face twisting into a scowl. “I haven’t been doing as well in school as…” Another pause, followed by more scowling. “I’m on the edge of getting kicked out of the program. My adviser says my work isn’t graduate level. She’s given me the summer to demonstrate”—he made sarcastic air quotes with his fingers—“significant improvement, or else I won’t be allowed to come back for the fall quarter.” He shook his head, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. When he spoke again, his voice was low and unsteady. “If I get dropped from the program, my parents will stop paying my rent, and I’ll have to move back home.”
That…definitely sucked.
“I’m sorry,” Esther said again, even though none of it was her fault. If anything, she had less to feel guilty about, because she hadn’t told him anything his adviser probably hadn’t already said to him.
Only…she did feel guilty. She felt even more guilty.
Jonathan looked up, his eyes finding hers finally. “I need your help.”
Oh no. “My help? What can I—”
“Read my other script. Give me notes like you did on the last one. Help me make it better.”
It was the absolute last thing Esther wanted to do. Read another one of his scripts? The thought of it made her brain cringe in horror.
But…he looked so sad and miserable. That was a huge admission he’d just made to her. And she’d already hurt his feelings once. Plus, there was the fact that on top of everything else, Jinny was planning to dump him next weekend and he had no idea. And that part was definitely all her fault, because if she hadn’t talked him into asking Jinny out, he wouldn’t be getting rejected.
How could she possibly say no? She couldn’t.
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll try.”
He thrust the script he was holding at her. Reluctantly, she reached out to take it. The title on the cover page said American Dreamers.
“What genre is it?” she asked.
“It’s a—” He stopped and shook his head. “You tell me after you’ve read it.”
Esther nodded. “Give me a few days?”
