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“It happens, right?” He shrugged and looked up at Esther. “Have you ever been cheated on?”
She shook her head. It would be nice to be able to say it was because she’d never dated anyone who would cheat on her, but the actual reason was that she’d never dated anyone long enough to get cheated on. She had a history of breaking things off before anyone got around to thinking about cheating.
“Have you ever cheated on anyone?”
“No,” Esther answered truthfully. Again, that itchy breakup trigger had prevented her from ever dealing with the temptation. If the thought so much as entered her head that she might want to sleep with someone else, she was out the door—usually she was out the door way before that, actually. She couldn’t understand why anyone would ever cheat, when breaking up was such an easy alternative.
“Well, you’re a rarity,” Jonathan said, digging his fingers into Sally’s ruff as she lolled beside him purring. “Everyone else I know has either cheated or been cheated on at one time or another. Or both.”
Esther sipped her coffee. “That explains the hostility, I guess.”
The corners of his mouth drew down. “What hostility?”
“In your script. I thought it was misogyny, but it’s more personal than that.”
He stopped petting Sally and looked up. “You thought I was a misogynist?”
Esther shrugged. “That whole daddy issues thing is pretty distasteful. Not to mention the part where you compare her to the White Witch, and the way you have her using her sexuality to get strangers to do things for her.”
He looked away.
“You haven’t forgiven her for breaking your heart. You’re still hung up on her.”
“It was three years ago. I’m over her.” His voice sounded rough, like it had been scraped over sandpaper.
“You wrote an entire screenplay about her,” Esther said, trying to sound gentle.
He shook his head, but his eyes stayed fixed on a spot on the opposite wall. “I wrote a story about love, and she’s the only woman I’ve ever been in love with. She’s all I had to go on.”
“Well, it feels like you don’t like her character very much, so when I read it, I didn’t like her very much.”
His expression shifted into another scowl. “She broke my heart. I don’t like her.”
Esther felt for him, but sympathy wasn’t going to fix his problems. “You’ve got to find a way to get over that if you want this story to work. Or else find a different muse. Because right now, the way you feel about her is hurting your script.”
“I need some air.” He pushed off the couch and went out onto her balcony, sliding the door closed behind him as he reached into his pocket for his cigarettes.
Esther stayed on the couch petting Sally for a couple minutes to give him a chance to cool off before she got up and followed him.
“You shouldn’t smoke,” she said when she joined him outside. He was hunched over, leaning forward with his forearms resting on the railing.
The balconies were small, only barely deep enough for a chair, and hers overlooked the alley and the apartment complex next door. It wasn’t exactly picturesque. Esther didn’t spend much time out here, and it was dusty and covered with seedpods from a nearby tree.
“I only do it when I’m stressed,” he said without looking at her.
If that was true, she felt even sorrier for him, because it seemed like he smoked a lot. She leaned against the railing beside him and bumped her arm against his. “I’m sorry I’m making you stressed.”
He picked at the filter of his cigarette with his thumbnail. “It’s not you.” He didn’t look stressed anymore, he looked sad. She didn’t like seeing him sad—not that she liked seeing him stressed either. But it was better than this sad, dejected person who made her want to gather him up and give him a hug.
“Is it talking about her?” Esther asked. “Real Emily. The girl who broke your heart.”
He took a long drag on his cigarette and turned his head to blow the smoke away from her. “It’s not just that, it’s all of it. Her, my adviser, the fact that I’m failing at the one thing I ever wanted to do.” His eyes flicked her way. “Then there’s Jinny.”
Esther winced. “Oh.”
His mouth flattened out. “You didn’t ask how it went Friday, so I assume you already know she told me she didn’t want to see me anymore.”
“I’m sorry,” Esther said, feeling like a shitnugget again. “I really thought you guys might be good together.”
