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Esther’s stomach hurt. She felt like she couldn’t get enough air into her lungs. It was possible she might be hyperventilating.
This thing between us is real, Jonas pleaded with Emily on the last page. I know you can feel it too. Don’t walk away from us.
Esther closed her eyes and waited for her breathing to go back to normal. Then she picked up her phone and scrolled to Jonathan’s name in her contacts. She needed to talk to him. He’d bared his soul by sharing this with her. She couldn’t ignore that. It would be cruel. Heartless. She wasn’t heartless. If anything, her heart was too full to fit inside her chest.
He answered on the first ring.
“Esther?” The sound of his voice made her eyes burn all the way down the back of her throat to the pit of her stomach. God, she’d missed him. So much.
She swallowed and stood up, pacing back and forth across her living room. “I read American Dreamers.”
“Yeah?” He sounded wary.
“I loved it.”
He didn’t say anything.
She stopped pacing. “Jonathan?”
“I’m here.” His voice was hoarse. “You really liked it?”
“No, I loved it. It’s so good. Your professor has to give you an A.” She started pacing again, making circuits of her apartment from the living room to the kitchen and back.
“It’s about you,” he said. “About us.”
She blew out a breath. “Yeah, I figured that out.”
“Esther—”
“Don’t,” she said, her voice breaking in two. “Please. I can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“Do this. With you.”
“Why?”
She swallowed around the lump in her throat. “I can’t be what you need me to be. I don’t feel what you want me to feel.” She stopped pacing and stared at the floor. Grasping for something to say. “The screenplay was amazing, but it doesn’t change anything. I’m sorry.”
She missed being his friend—so much. But she couldn’t give him more than that. And he deserved more. He deserved someone who could return his feelings unreservedly. As much as he thought he wanted her, she’d only end up hurting him even more. She owed him better than that.
He exhaled a long, slow breath. “Okay. I guess that’s it, then.” He sounded deflated, like an old helium balloon.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. Final this time. A goodbye.
“Wait, don’t hang up.”
She waited.
“I miss you.”
Her gaze went to the wall between their apartments. The only thing physically standing between them. Just a few inches of drywall and insulation.
There was a tremor in her voice when she spoke. “I miss you too.”
“There’s something real here. Don’t throw us away.” It was almost exactly what Jonas had said to Emily.
She pressed her palm against the wall that separated them. She didn’t speak. She wasn’t sure she could anymore.
