AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It’s enough to release the chokehold I’m in. My arms rise, and I put them around my father.
“I can’t believe she’s gone,” he whispers.
“I know,” I murmur.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
Sorry? For what? For making things so hard for my mother that she left the country to get away from him? For never being there for either her or Maddie when they needed him? For not being the kind of father I wanted: someone to play rugby with in the garden, to take me fishing, to show me how to shave, and to tease me about my first girlfriend?
I meet Aroha’s eyes again. She’s rocking Leia, and her eyes are kind.
I pat his back awkwardly. Then I clear my throat, and he drops his arms and wipes his face.
“Hello, Arabella,” I say to my stepmother.
“Hello, James.” She’s younger than my dad, in her late forties, with blonde-streaked hair cut in a bob, and lots of makeup. She looks drawn, though, and there’s no animosity in her face as she comes up to kiss my cheek. “I’m so sorry about Maddie.”
“Thank you.” I beckon Aroha forward, and she comes to stand beside me. “This is Aroha—she’s a good friend of mine who’s been helping me out since Maddie died. And this Leia.”
“Pleased to meet you,” my father says, but he’s looking at Leia. Ah, jeez, are those tears in his eyes? “Hello, sweetheart,” he says to the baby. He holds out a hand, and she grasps his fingers. “She looks just like her,” he whispers.
“Is she a good baby?” Arabella asks Aroha.
“The best,” Aroha replies. “Very good-natured, and she only wakes once in the night.”
“James is very lucky to have you to help,” Arabella says. “I can just imagine how terrible he’d be if he had to look after her himself.”
“Not at all,” Aroha replies, stiffening on my behalf. She turns and hands Leia out to me, and I take her and lift her onto my shoulder again. “He’s going to be an amazing father.”
“Father?” Arabella says, and she exchanges a glance with Dad.
“I’m going to adopt her,” I tell them. “After the Parenting Order comes through granting me custody.”
Dad stares at me. “Seriously?”
I nod. Leia reaches up a hand to touch my lip, and I nibble her fingers, making her giggle. I kiss her forehead. “I’m going to raise her as my daughter.”
Arabella is lost for words. To my surprise, though, Dad’s eyes continue to shine. “That’s a very good thing you’ve decided to do,” he whispers.
We’re interrupted by Henry, who comes over and says, “The cars are here.”
“Yes, we should get going.” I hand Leia back to Aroha and hesitate, on the verge of asking her to come with me.
“Good luck,” she murmurs.
I close my mouth and nod. “Thanks.” Then I turn and pick up my jacket. “All right. Let’s start getting everyone to the cars.”
*
We arrive at the funeral home, and I stand near the door, welcoming people as they turn up. I’m touched how many of my friends are here, including all the guys from Wellington and Auckland and their partners, apart from Damon and Belle, who are on their honeymoon. They all give me a hug as they make their way inside. It makes me feel less alone, and I’m just starting to think I’m going to be able to get through this when an Uber draws up and Blue gets out.
I’m shocked to see him. I hadn’t contacted him—I don’t have his phone number, and I wouldn’t have rung even if I had—but he must have seen the date online somewhere.
I once told him I wasn’t going to let him within a mile of Maddie, and I’m tempted to tell him that still stands, whether she’s dead or alive. But he’s dressed in black, and at least Jasmine isn’t with him.
He approaches me warily. “I’m not here to make trouble,” he says. “I just want to pay my respects.”
I fight the urge to tell him to fuck off. I don’t want him here, and I don’t think he deserves to be here. But it seems petty, and I like to think I’m a bigger man than that. So I give a short nod, and he walks past me into the chapel and takes a seat on his own at the back.
