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Then it opens a fraction. “James?” It’s Aroha’s voice.
I don’t say anything, my hands still over my face.
I hear her come inside, and she closes the door behind her. The carpet muffles the sound of her gorgeous black high heels, but I know she’s approached the bed. I can feel her there.
“James?” she asks. “Are you okay?”
I wait a second, then move my hands up and sink them into my hair and open my eyes. “Not really.”
She studies me, then lowers onto the bed above me and places a hand on my forehead. I close my eyes again. Her fingers are cool, and something about her touch calms me, as if she’s poured aloe vera over all my raw nerve endings.
I inhale deeply, and let out a long, slow breath.
“I should go out there,” I murmur.
“In a minute.” She strokes my forehead. “How was it?”
“Shit. Blue turned up.”
“Ah. I wondered if he might. Did he cause trouble?”
“No. He told me he’d done his duty. I think he came because his lawyer told him to.”
She sighs. “What about your father?”
“He cried.”
She moves her fingers from one temple, across my forehead, to the other. “Did that make you angry?”
“Yes.” I realize she’s the only one I can be honest with. “I kept thinking about Maddie standing there watching him, and how she would have hated him pretending to be upset, after the way he’s ignored her all these years.”
She continues to stroke my forehead. “I doubt he was pretending to be upset. He probably realizes he’s lost his chance to make it up to her now.”
“Fuck him.” I blow out a breath. “I don’t know why, but I keep thinking about how she’s supposed to be in purgatory now. A place of misery, where you pay for your sins before you’re allowed to move onto heaven. How is that fair, when he’s the one who turned his back on her?”
She strokes down my nose. “I like to think that purgatory is more like a counselor’s room, a place where you get to release all the resentment you’ve felt in life, and deal with your negative emotions. They’d help Maddie understand that your father is suffering, in his own way. And one day, he’ll have to deal with all the things he’s done wrong, and understand how he hurt others with his actions.”
“He doesn’t deserve to go to heaven,” I mumble.
“Everyone deserves redemption.” She bends and kisses my nose. “Come on. I asked Henry to hold Leia, and he looked as startled as if I’d asked him to split the atom.”
That makes me laugh. I sit up and turn to face her. “Do you really believe everyone deserves redemption?”
“I do. Everyone acts the way they do because of holes in their past. If you can try to understand why someone behaves the way they do, it’s the first step toward forgiveness.”
“I’m not ready to forgive my father.”
“Not yet, no. But you will be one day.” She gets to her feet and holds out her hand. “Come on. Let’s go and rescue your baby girl.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Aroha
As I lead James out into the living room his skin holds a ghastly gray pallor, and he looks as if he might throw up at any moment. I’m not sure if it’s his father’s presence that’s bothering him most, if it’s Blue’s appearance at the funeral, or whether it’s just the fact that Maddie’s death is finally sinking in. Probably all three. I can see he’s suffering, and I want to help, but what can I do?
Alex pushes a whisky into his hand, and, after a glance at his father, James has a large mouthful and sighs.
“Eat this,” I tell him, giving him a sausage roll. He does as he’s told, and gradually some of the color comes back to his face.
