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“She wouldn’t have taken her own life just to teach you a lesson.”
He scowls. “You don’t know Maddie.”
I know he doesn’t mean it, so I don’t berate him. Instead I say, “Can I ask you a question?”
He pours himself another shot of whisky. “I guess.”
“Why don’t you want children?”
He has a mouthful of the amber liquid, just looking at me.
“I’m not having a go,” I say, amused.
“Women always say that, and then they try and talk you into it.”
“Not me, James. I don’t want children either.”
His eyebrows rise in surprise. “Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“Why not?”
“I asked you first.”
He studies me, clearly taken aback. Then he shrugs. “Because I’m afraid I’d be like my father. Arrogant, dismissive, and controlling. On the verge of violent. An all-round arsehole.”
Violent. Did he hit James’s mother? “You’re not like that,” I point out.
“You don’t really know me. I hit Blue when he wouldn’t leave Maddie alone.”
“Alex told me. He also said, ‘We all become Neanderthals when the women we love are threatened.’”
“That doesn’t excuse being violent.”
“So you should have stepped back? Let Blue harass her?”
He gives me a wry look.
“We’re all animals at heart,” I continue. “We may think we’re civilized, but at heart we’re just cavemen and women. It’s your role to protect your partner and children, should you choose to have them.”
“Maybe. I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t like how it makes me feel. I’m afraid it’s a very small step from protecting to being violent toward them.” He has another mouthful of whisky. “So why don’t you want kids?”
I adjust Leia’s blanket. “I told you that my brother has autism with high support needs.”
“Yes.”
“I love him with every bone in my body. But he needs twenty-four-hour care. He has epilepsy. He can be aggressive, and he doesn’t speak. It’s been very, very hard on my parents, especially my mum, as she stays at home to look after him, and I’ve seen how hard it is for her physically and emotionally.”
“I’m guessing it’s hereditary?”
“Yes. Highly hereditary.”
“Is there prenatal testing for it?”
“Blood tests during early pregnancy can show if a woman has a low risk or an increased risk of having a baby with Down syndrome or another condition. If she shows an increased risk, she can then have diagnostic testing. But what do you do if you discover the baby has a likelihood of a condition? Terminate the pregnancy? Mum chose not to be tested, because she says she believes that a fetus with a condition like Down Syndrome or autism has the same right to life as a fetus without.”
“Do you?”
