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I nodded, doing my best not to let the tears spill down my face. Conrad put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “Wi will get dem back, Rayven. Nuh worry.” He promised me, before turning and heading off to find my father.
I made my way into the adjoining cave-like bathroom that had been carved out of the same black volcanic stone that the rest of the palace had been molded from. I avoided the bubbling hot spring, where just hours before, he had loved me into oblivion and told me I was his Queen.
Instead, I crawled into the golden claw footed tub. My armor peeled itself off me before I collapsed into the bottom of the basin, curling in on myself. It wasn’t a conscious effort, but my shadows turned on the water for me and I ran my hands over my face as the water poured down around me. My fingers brushed against my cheek and I suddenly had an idea. The day Amon had taught me how to place a trace, I had put one on his cheek as practice. Could I use it to find him?
Hope stirred in my chest, and I slammed my eyes shut. I forced my mind to still and found the quiet state or Eriene.
My magick pooled and slipped through me, sliding up to my cheek in the mirror spot of where I had placed the trace on Amon. I followed the thread of my shadows as they tore down the magickal line I had installed to connect us.
I grew more and more excited as I flowed further and farther down the metaphysical connection.
Was this going to actually work?
Anger and frustration tore through me as my power slammed into a wall of blackness. There was nothing here. It was just a yawning darkness, much like it had been when I tried to find Jeremy after Ash Nevra had already kidnapped him.
I knew now what this meant. She had put a triquetra on him. I slammed against the wall of blackness, over and over again, until my aura was raw, and my planets were broken. When I finally came to terms with the fact that I was not going to be able to break through, I came back to my corporeal body.
Finally, I let go. The water pounded down around me, drowning out the violent sobs that wracked through my chest. My fists wound into my dark hair as I curled deeper and deeper into my grief. For a moment, I allowed myself to wonder if it was truly possible to die from a broken heart.
Raven
“Raven?” I heard Jeremy call out to me from the bedroom. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath under the steady stream of water before forcing myself to respond.
My voice sounded as shaky as I felt. “Be right out!” For a moment, it was like we were back in Toronto, and he was calling me down for dinner with him and Clair. The added memory of my dead mother on top of this new, impossibly large weight of loss almost pushed me right back into a pit of despair.
Forcing myself to swim against the relentless current of grief that was wrecking my insides, I sat up in the shower and asked my shadows to turn off the water. Wrapping myself in the biggest towel I could find and piling my wet hair up on top of my head, I padded out to see my father. He was standing in jeans and a blood-stained T-shirt, waiting for me.
“Hey Dad,” I croaked, my voice cracking. He took in my red eyes and immediately softened.
“Hey Kiddo, come here.” He murmured, stepping forward and pulling me into him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and broke down again. The sobs were deep and raw, and he held me firmly against him while I cried. He made soothing sounds while rocking me gently back and forth. After what felt like an eternity, I finally pulled away and sniffed.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, and he shook his head, looking down at me like he never wanted to lose sight of me again.
“Don’t be, none of this is your fault.” He told me. But that wasn’t true. All of this was my fault. I was responsible. It had been my decision to push forward. My decision to give them The Flute. And now Amon was gone, Kasha was suffering unimaginable abuse somewhere and that fucking spider wouldn’t tell me where. Instead of telling him all this, I just shook my head and swallowed.
“I need to get dressed.” I said, glancing up at him. He nodded.
“Of course, I can wait outside until you’re done.” He said, heading out to the hall to give me some privacy.
I made my way to the armoire that held all my clothes. Amon had magicked it into our room only nights ago, when we had solidified our mating bond. I opened it, hoping to find my favorite knit sweater, but what was inside almost took me to my knees. His clothes were hanging in there, next to mine. Several collared shirts in varying shades of green and black. The scent of cinnamon floated out from the armoire, settling around me like a warm summer breeze, nearly making me lose my balance. The strangled cry that escaped my throat summoned Jeremy back to my side as I stumbled away from the wardrobe, clutching my towel to my chest.
“What happened? What’s wrong?” He asked, panicked, looking back and forth between me and the seemingly innocent wardrobe.
“His clothes,” I pointed a shaking finger at the wardrobe, tears filling my eyes once more. “He put my clothes next to his. We were… were supposed to share…” I couldn’t get the words out. I was shaking, my aura buckled and several of my tiny stars went supernova. Being human, Jeremy couldn’t see my aura, but he could see that his daughter was in pain.
“Go sit down,” he told me softly, gesturing to the bed. “I will pick something for you to wear.” I nodded dumbly, moving in what felt like a daze back to the large king size bed before sitting on the edge, staring straight ahead.
In through your nose, out through your mouth.
“Here,” Jeremy said, laying down a pair of comfortable black cotton pants and an oversized long sleeve black t-shirt. He had even chosen a fresh pair of underwear for me, which might have embarrassed me a few months ago. At the moment, I was just grateful he had been here to help me.
“Get dressed, I’ll wait outside, then we can talk.” Jeremy said, before once again leaving to give me privacy.
“Ready,” I called out once I had changed, and he came back into the room. It was strange, being around a human again. I hadn’t noticed it, but after living with daemons, shifters and magick folk for so long, the abrupt, predictable, and almost endearingly clumsy movements of the human that was Jeremy made me feel incredibly homesick. I wasn’t sure if it was the human world that I was missing, or just how much simpler my life had been when I had thought that I was a part of that world.
Jeremy settled down on the edge of the bed with me, putting his arm around my shoulder and kissing the side of my head.
“I’m so glad that you’re alive.” He murmured against my hair. I couldn’t respond. I didn’t know what to say. Yes, I was alive, but at what cost? Clair was dead. Amon was gone. Kasha was enslaved. Both worlds were in mortal danger and so far, I hadn’t made one decision that had seemed to make it better. It had just been failure after fucking failure.
