AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Don’t get too excited about me,” Billie protested. “I might not be pregnant.”
Mom wouldn’t hear anything of it, speaking quietly to Billie and spurring on a whole flood of tears before inviting Nicky’s beta out for a walk to get some air.
I hung on the sidelines for a while until Mom and Billie eventually returned. I needed to resolve things with Nicky, and if she was going to let that conversation be buried under baby news, it was up to me.
I sat near Nicky and nudged her with my toes. “Can I steal you for a walk?”
Nicky furrowed her brow, but she nodded anyway. Neither of us were very excited for the awkwardness of the upcoming conversation.
We got halfway down the block in silence before I finally asked, “Are you still mad at me?”
“I was never mad.”
I stared at her, absolutely incredulous. The last time I had seen her that pissed was when I had used her books as a skateboard ramp. “Sure could’ve fooled me.”
“Okay, maybe I was a little bit mad. Only because you hid it, though. I’m really happy for you and Luna.” Nicky shrugged as we turned the corner. “I guess I just wanted you to trust me.”
I wasn’t sure how to relay the situation without spilling a multitude of Luna’s secrets. Things had played out how they had played out; we couldn’t go back, and even if we could, I never would’ve pushed Luna to tell Nicky before she was ready. I didn’t bring up that we had been planning to tell her on her birthday, because that probably would’ve sounded fake now that she had found out on her own.
Instead, I said, “I do trust you.”
“I’m not going to reiterate why it seems like that’s not true. How are you doing since you got discovered?”
I mulled the answer over. If Nicky had been the first one to find out, we might very well not be together at all anymore, but I could take the time to thank every god out there that Luna had been brave enough to take other steps before that.
“We’re okay? Luna’s been really anxious.”
She usually was, so that was nothing new, but I did appreciate the look of contrition on Nicky’s face that she might’ve been the cause.
“So, back me up. How did all of this go down?”
I sucked in a breath of the hot summer air and awkwardly scratched the back of my head. “Well, I pretty much had a crush on Luna since I met her. She was all up in her feelings at the wedding with Allie getting married, and we kind of hooked up in the coat room. I figured it was only going to be a one-time fling and I didn’t want to miss an opportunity to know what it was like to kiss her.”
Nicky’s whole face softened. “Well, it clearly wasn’t a one-time thing. How did you get to now?”
“It started off as a once-a-week casual thing. I wasn’t a huge fan of the hidden concept, but I was basically willing to do anything to stay close to her. I guess it kind of evolved from there? She didn’t ask for the boyfriend experience, but I gave it to her anyway. Wooing with the stuff Jasper taught me to make, getting her to agree to actual dates outside our scheduled meetings, doing whatever I could to help her out when she needed it.”
I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
“Why didn’t she want me to know?” Nicky asked.
“I think…” I sighed. “Well, at first it was casual, and then it slowly wasn’t, but when we finally realized how deep it went, it had been so long that neither of us knew how to say anything without getting the exact reaction that we did. I know it started off that she couldn’t handle the pressure of you or Allie wanting things to work out, and then it got a lot more complicated.”
I kept to myself that Allie and Sidney and my parents had been told already. Knowing that, however much timing was at fault in the end, would only upset her. I loved Nicky too much for that.
Nicky snared my gaze, scrutinizing me until I felt her eyes trying to prod into my soul. “Do you love her?”
I shoved my hands in my pocket, turning away. It seemed like an understatement to say yes. Luna was my whole damn world at this point.
“I love her a lot. I hated not being able to tell anyone. I understood her reasoning, and I was okay with it in the beginning, but the harder I fell, the more difficult it was not to be able to invite her to family dinners or to take her places where someone we knew might see it. I wanted what you have. What Sidney and Allie have.”
“And you think Luna is the one to give that to you?” Nicky asked.
What a question.
I laughed quietly to myself and shrugged. “If she’s not, then I don’t want it.”
That was probably the truest statement I had ever said in my life. I couldn’t imagine wanting anyone else or trying to build a life with someone who wasn’t Luna. I needed her like I needed the sun, and I’d be damned if I ever let that light go.
