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“That’s so sweet. Luna is the little blonde bridesmaid, right?”
“Yep. Meg was the maid of honor.”
“Right, right.” She was quiet a moment before continuing. “I feel like I don’t know any of your friends.”
“To be fair, I don’t have that many.”
Mom pursed her lips. “You’ve always been that way, I suppose. I worry about you.”
My hands stilled, and I turned away from the dough to properly focus on her, unsure where she was going with this. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Do you think this will stick?” she asked softly. “The baking?”
“I don’t know.” I scooped the dough into the proofing basket to rest. “I like it, but I can’t see the future. I have no idea if it’s what I wanna do for the rest of my life.”
“Things are so different now. I’m glad you have the options to find your passion. When I was young, you started a job and that was your career forever. Your brother and sister are solid like that, but you’re my little bunny, hopping around as you see fit.”
I couldn’t quite discern from her tone whether she was upset about that or not.
“Sometimes I feel like a horrible, selfish woman.”
“Why?”
Her brown eyes shone with unshed tears, lips pulled into a frown. “Every time you switched to something new, I would breathe a sigh of relief. Something new meant I got to keep you for a little while longer. That’s not fair, but it’s still what I feel. I don’t want you to struggle, but it gets all twisted up inside.”
I pulled her into a hug, unsure what else to do or why she was telling me this. “I love you even if your feelings get mixed up. I know nothing I say can convince you that leaving isn’t really leaving. I’m going to have to, one day, and I don’t want to hurt you when that day comes. Pretend like this will stick.”
She sniffled, clinging tightly to me. “I get so scared. So many of my friends never see their children at all. I know I have the family dinners, but I also know those aren’t forever. When Sidney and Nicky have children of their own, they’ll have less and less time for your father and me. I can feel myself holding on to you with both hands, terrified to let go even though I know when my mother did the same, it felt like she was strangling me.”
“Nonna didn’t want you to leave?”
Mom stepped back, busying herself with fixing a cup of tea. “Not at all. I was the youngest daughter and she thought I would stay home to take care of her. She threw such a fuss when she found out your father and I had been dating for months without telling her.” She gave a bitter laugh. “Nothing quite like an Italian mama reaming you out for shaming your family.”
Hope flooded me at the realization that my mom and dad had something in common with Luna and me. Did my brain latch onto that as a sign that Luna and I were meant to have decades of happiness ahead of us? Absolutely. Was that a stupid fucking thing for it to do? Also yes. “How long was she mad?”
“She showed up at the hospital when Nicky was born. Didn’t say a word to either of us at first, but a new grandchild can soften even the hardest heart.”
Unease prickled up my spine. I had always worried Mom would react like she had said Nonna did, and I had no plans to give her any grandkids to soften her up. “She should’ve still loved you even though she didn’t agree with your choices.”
“I like to think she still did, but the silence was so heavy,” Mom said. Her full focus fell onto me and I stiffened under the weight of it. “I want to make a promise to you.”
I swallowed hard. “What kind of promise?”
“Luca, you’re my baby and I love you. You can talk to me about anything. Anything,” she insisted. “I don’t want you to ever have to worry that what happened with my mother might happen with me.”
“I don’t worry about that, Mom.” A lie, but I didn’t want to upset her.
She looked impossibly sad when she nodded, but rather than say anything more, she picked up her tea and left me to my baking.
What the hell was that about?
Icrouched behind a set of bushes, watching Rodney push Rory on the swing. Nova scrolled on her phone on one of the benches with Beans sitting by her feet. Honestly I was surprised he’d taken them to the park. Rodney had been a hands-off parent at the best of times, but maybe Stella had reamed him out for not taking care of the girls.
I leapt out of my skin when a cold nose pressed against my cheek. “Jesus fucking Christ!” I turned to see a beagle standing there with Luca on the other end of his leash.
Before he could ask what I was doing, I grabbed him by the arm and tugged him down with me.
“Luna, why are we hiding in bushes?”
