Page 57 of Risking it All


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I tensed, crossing my arms to match him. “There won’t be any more issues, so it doesn’t matter. Kids and marriage are both topics that make my skin crawl, but now they’ve been addressed, so we’re fine.”

He looked at me in the same way one would a child who was missing a very obvious point and I bristled. “What is it now?” I snapped, and he didn’t bat an eye.

“You’re not going to manage to not have any other speed bumps in your relationship with Beatrice; that’s not possible. The longer you two are together, the more each of you will find. Yeah, those two subjects were big ones, and it’s good that you finally have them put to rest, but they won’t be the only ones.”

He stared me down. “You can’t do what you did this past week anytime you’re faced with something that scares you. It isn’t fair to Bea. If you keep it up, she’ll leave.”

Now that caught my attention.

She’d leave?

My heart twisted at the thought, and I huffed. “She’ll leave over what; my needing space?”

He gave me another look. “No, because you won’t talk about problems when they happen. You just did it again before she left.”

Going back over the conversation, I considered that.

Okay yes I’d avoided talking about whatever she wanted to discuss, but it was probably centered around something we’d already talked through. Why should we revisit it?

When I said as much, Devin shook his head. “Knowing Bea, she was going to discuss your habit of avoiding potentially uncomfortable conversations like the plague.”

The hair on my neck stood again, and I grimaced. “Why is it such a bad thing though? After a bit of time alone, I came to the conclusion that I don’t have to worry about kids or anything like that because she’s right; it won’t be something for us. At least not anytime soon.”

I forced myself to not think about it happening in the future. I was beyond not ready for that thought.

Shrugging, I continued. “Why do we have to talk about it afterward? We’re fine now.”

In all my years of knowing him, Devin had never looked so ready to punch me. Instead he fisted his hands on my shoulders and shook me.

“You aren’t listening! Communication is important, vital even to a relationship. Yeah, you eventually calmed yourself down, but if you’d just talked to Bea before the dinner, you could have avoided the entire blowout with Dad!”

He let me go, pinching the bridge of his nose with a deep inhale. “If you’d talked to her the topic would have been put completely to rest, and his prodding wouldn’t have affected you as badly. You would have brushed off the entire subject as ‘something in the far future and not of current concern,’ and Dad would have left it as that.”

For the first time, doubt filtered in, and I sat back. “How do you know he wouldn’t have just targeted something else?”

He scowled, “Because there was nothing else that would set you off! He dug in because of your reaction. If it hadn’t been for that, you would have walked through that dinner without a proverbial scratch.”

Dragging a hand through his hair, he grunted. “You know what? I give up. You’re not going to see the issue until Bea leaves you over it.”

He stood up, and an alarm screamed through me. I gripped his arm and jolted upright. “Hold up, you’re serious. She’d really leave over this?”

A withering look all but lobbed my way, then he answered. “My sister is all about open communication and honesty. You damn near had to have it beaten into your head that it was okay for you to like her. Now, a tough topic came up and instead of talking to her, you closed off. You can’t do that in relationships and expect them to last. Running away, hiding, it doesn’t work!”

He threw his arms up. “She shouldn’t have to force an answer out of you when there’s something wrong, and until you see that, your relationship is doomed to fail.”

This time when he left I didn't stop him, instead watching his back until the door shut behind him. The apartment felt stifling without either of the siblings here and I looked down to Fig, absorbing the mess that had just been dropped in my lap.

“Would she really leave?” I asked, knowing full well I wouldn’t be getting an answer from him. He nuzzled closer, and I petted him instinctively. The soft fur under my hand helped, offering an anchor through the storm, and I forced myself to really consider everything Devin said.

Yes, I guess the problem with their Dad could have been avoided if I’d talked to Beatrice beforehand. They were really close to their parents, and I didn’t want to drive a wedge there if it was possible not to.

The talk yesterday hadn’t been that bad, though I’d hated the vulnerability that’d all but drowned me.

Maybe Devin was right.

I couldn’t lose Bea either way, she’d become an integral part of my life now, and the idea of waking up without her there…

It was empty.

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