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Chapter One
Aspen
Eighteen Years Ago
Emptiness echoes through me like water in a hollow tin can. It shouldn’t. I have a fiancé who loves me and a beautiful baby girl. She’s six months old today and I’ve never been happier. There’s a beauty in the house that hasn’t been there before. A purpose. A missing link that we didn’t know we needed, but maybe it’s just me.
My fiancé, Steve, stays focused on work. Early mornings, late nights. It’s the life of a scientist. Who’d have guessed it? His work ethic is part of the reason I fell in love with him. He has a passion for knowledge like no other person on Earth and watching him think through a problem is like watching an artist paint. It’s mesmerizing.
“She’s growing up fast. I’m going to miss you guys around here.” Sergei, a giant of a man I’ve run into around town, stands in the doorway of the trading post. His tone is deep and rugged. He wears a baseball cap backward, sports a short salt and pepper beard, and he’s covered in ink. When we got to Alaska three months ago, I was alone with a baby. Sergei was the first to make me feel like I had a place here.
“Yeah, we’ll miss seeing you, too. Too bad we didn’t get to meet your boys. Any idea when they’ll be home?”
Sergei leans against the inside frame of the door. He’s broad and thick, towering up above the top rim of the frame. “Ah, not ‘til next month, probably. Wish I could’ve gone with ‘em, but I have enough work to do here, and that job down in Washington only called for a few men. You must be excited to get back to your life, though.”
I drag in a deep breath and nod. “Yeah, I mean… it’ll be good.”
“You don’t sound convinced.”
“It’s…” I sigh. “I am. I love home, but I don’t know… sorry. I’m not thinking straight this morning.”
He glances down at the ground, then back up toward me. “Sounds like you need to talk.”
“Talk about what?” Steve’s hands grip me from behind. “What am I missing?”
Sergei stares at me, his eyes on mine with an unspoken empathy I can’t define. It’s been like this since we met. I can’t put my finger on what it is, but when he looks at me, I feel seen. Like he has the key that opens every door I’d ever locked. There’s warmth in that. A comfort.
Maybe there shouldn’t be.
I turn back toward Steve and smile. “We were just talking about heading home.”
“Can’t wait. I’m ready to pay five dollars less for everything again. I don’t know how you folks do it. Ten bucks for a gallon of milk is just too much.” He laughs and scoops Everleigh up in his arms. “Plus, I’ve got to get this one back to the gym.” He pokes at my stomach and laughs.
My face heats with embarrassment and I lower my head. “What are you doing?”
He pokes me again then holds up one hand in an ear to ear grin. “Joking, babe. It’s a joke.”
Sergei stands taller, crosses his arms over his chest, and groans. His stare lies heavy on Steve. Sergei’s not the kind of guy to engage. I watched him have an argument with the postal clerk last week and the whole thing was done with a series of sighs, groans, and direct eye contact. I’m guessing she solved his problem because he offered her a half smile before he walked away.
There’s power in that. A man who doesn’t need to argue his point because he figures you should know the answer.
Steve isn’t like that. Steve will debate his stance on anything given the opportunity. Right or wrong.
“Oh, come on…” Steve smiles wider before pulling me into his orbit and kissing my cheek. “It was a joke, seriously. Sorry to offend. She knows I love her. I’m overly excited to have finished this project. I’m talking like a crazy man.”
Neither Sergei nor I respond, but Sergei’s gaze is back on mine with empathy again.
Why does he keep doing that? Why do I feel so anchored by his presence? How can a man look at me and in three seconds make me feel safer than I’ve felt in years?
I don’t doubt that Steve is excited. For the last three months, he’s been studying the effect that pollution is having on the soil up here. Apparently, particle matter and ozone pollution pose threats to plants and can even stunt the growth of wildlife. The group of scientists he works with have been eager to find a solution and they’ve come up with a top-secret plan that’ll curb the effects of said pollution. That said, excitement doesn’t really excuse shitty comments.
Finally, I glance away from Sergei, attempting to shake off the heat that’s emanating toward me. But before I gather my senses, my eyes are back on his like a fiend.
“I’ll let you two say your goodbyes.” Steve’s voice is underwater in the background. I know he has Everleigh, and I feel the warmth of his body move away from mine, but I’m not sure I’m in the room anymore. I mean, I’m here. I’m in the quiet little trading post, but I’m not really here. I’m in space, floating around, wondering where the ground is.
“You know you can write,” Sergei finally says, bringing me back to Earth. “Call too, but I don’t get great reception up here.”
“For sure. Yeah, I’ll write. You, ugh…”
