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“Well, look at this as being practical. The ring is handy. Mom would understand. After all, she loved Edward enough to free him to be with Sweet Darlin’ because he needed it more than he wanted her.”
With two workaholic parents, I completely understand what he’s saying. “Why didn’t Kendra wear this?”
Carson hesitates. “It…didn’t seem like her, and she wanted something in rose gold. But you wearing my mom’s ring will make our engagement seem more real.” He pauses and caresses my cheek. “Most important, I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather see with it on her finger. Will you wear it?”
Something fluttery stirs in my stomach. Nerves. Excitement. I’m too afraid to call it anything else.
I look up at Carson, lost in his gaze. Some foolish part of me wishes he was proposing for real. Not that I’m ready to take that step with him…I don’t think. God, I’m confused. Everything is happening so quickly. My brain is telling me to slow down, think smart, do whatever I can to mitigate the damage to my heart later. My emotions are running wild, and every bit of me simply wants to say yes and fling myself against him, join with him. Stay with him.
Suddenly, I’m fighting the sting of tears, the trembling of my chin. “Are you sure?”
“Hey, don’t cry, sweetheart.” He leans in, kisses my forehead, my nose, my lips. He lingers there, not deepening the contact, just taking comfort from our closeness, as I am. “Please.”
Without meaning to, he pries open my heart in a way I can’t seem to stop. I can’t say no. “I’ll wear it.”
And I already know the day I have to take it off and give it back will hurt so badly.
Carson smiles my way as he plucks the diamond nestled in the box. “Give me your hand.”
This would be so much easier—and less real—if he didn’t put it on my finger as if I were really his bride.
“That’s okay. I’ll do it.” I hold out my hand to him, palm up.
He scowls as he spends a long moment glancing between the ring in his grip and the expression on my face. Finally, he sighs and gently sets it in the middle of my palm. The metal is cool against my skin. The diamond shines like white fire, brilliant and beyond lovely. As a symbol of eternal love, it’s absolutely breathtaking.
“It’s just under two carats, and my mother always said it was a joy to wear. It matched everything and connected her to the man she loved in a way that made her feel safe.”
As I ease it onto my finger, I suddenly understand. It fits perfectly. In the right circumstance, its weight would be a subtle reminder of my groom’s care and commitment. But this isn’t real, and I need to keep reminding myself of that. “I’ll take good care of it. I promise.”
Carson takes my hand, looking a little choked up at the sight of his mother’s ring there. “I know you will. It looks perfect on you, by the way. I have the matching wedding band in my safe, along with my stepfather’s ring.”
Breaking his gaze, I nod. I can’t look at him anymore without wishing circumstances were different, despite how illogical that may be. If I don’t change the subject or lighten the mood, I’m going to be sucked down into this whirl of hope, desolation, and yearning that hurts too much.
“I’ll…um, call this wedding planner and leave her a message. Hopefully, she’ll get in touch with me on Monday.”
He nods slowly, as if he’s reluctant to accept the change in subject. “How about on Friday we head down to the venue so we can see it together. We should also go apply for a marriage license since it’s only a few blocks away.”
I gulp. I suppose we have to go through the motions to make it look real, but… “Do we have to do it in person?”
“I assume so. I don’t know for sure. Both Kendra and I were dragging our feet, so we never got around to it.”
That doesn’t surprise me. “I’ll talk to the wedding planner, but you’re probably right. I…um, guess Friday would be good. If Roger is all right with it.”
He nods as if the matter is settled. But nothing else is. “You going to be all right, Ella? Is this too much for you?”
It can’t be. He needs me. “I’m fine. It’s just more emotional than I thought.”
“It is.” He hesitates. “But I’m here if you need anything.”
“Space,” I say finally. “I need some time to process all that’s happened. Alone.”
Carson gnashes his teeth and looks hesitant to leave me, but he nods. “I’ll head into the office for a few hours so you can have the place to yourself. I’ll pick you up about six for dinner.”
“I’ll be ready,” I promise as he retreats into the bedroom to get showered and dressed.
I sit on the sofa, feeling shocked and overwhelmed and staring at the winking engagement ring on my hand, wondering how I’m going to make it through this without falling apart.
CARSON
Friday rolls around. The six days between the moment Ella and I got “engaged” and this afternoon have flown by. She’s been settling into her new job and coming back to my place every night with a glow in her eyes and a smile on her face, talking about the great holiday programs for kids the organization has in store. They’re even planning a rendition of A Christmas Carol, as well as story time with Santa every Saturday in December.
The past few evenings, we’ve been eating her healthy dinners and drinking wine while I listen to her excitement…only to see the light die from her eyes the moment she remembers she won’t be around to witness any of her plans come to fruition.
The nights are, in some ways, worse. Oh, they’re full of pleasure—desperate, ravenous, blistering ecstasy that’s undoing me and bending my soul. I fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning panting, drenched, and completely wrung out…only to roll over again every morning and take Ella hungrily before I drop her off at work and head to the office myself. It’s as if we both feel the countdown of the ticking clock and don’t know how to stop it.
I glance at my computer screen. Why is it barely after one? Because I’m eager to be out of here, to see the venue where Ella and I will marry—or pretend to—while I try to think of some way to convince her that maybe we should consider exchanging vows for real. It’s soon, I know. I don’t want to rush her. She deserves to feel certain, and we’d have to talk long and hard about how we would be married when we live on opposite coasts. But I’m not ready to let this woman slip through my fingers. If I do, I’ll be losing the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
And deep down, I fear I’ll be making an irrevocable mistake.
Suddenly, I hear a knock on my office door.
“Come in,” I call. I may as well stop pretending I’m studying this spreadsheet, trying to draw any relevant financial conclusions.
The handle turns with a little click, and Cora peeks her head in, her silvery hair making her green eyes all the more vivid. “You have a guest. Kendra Shaw is here with a…friend. Are you available?”
She must be here to return the engagement ring I bought her. No idea what I’ll do with it. eBay, maybe? I also have a suspicion I know who her “friend” is. This should be interesting…
“Show them in.”
I try to close down the worksheet with sensitive financials, but the computer freezes and I can’t seem to get the file saved before I hear Kendra’s high-pitched, southern-flavored voice. “Hi, Carson.”
I turn and swallow a curse, using my body to block my screen. I already know that Kendra has no interest in anything that involves Sweet Darlin’—or her father’s company, Dulce Lama. She’s not interested in business at all. But I know nothing about the hulk beside her wearing a uniform that bears a striking resemblance to dress blues. His hair has been shaved so short I can barely discern it’s some sort of brown. He has dark eyes that observe everything and wears an expression that’s no-nonsens
e.
“Hi, Kendra. You must be Brayden.” I extend my hand in his direction.
He shakes it with a firm grip that’s a tad too close to crushing for comfort. It’s a subtle warning to stay away from his girl. I hold back a laugh. He has absolutely nothing to worry about from me.
“I am.” His voice is as clipped and unwelcoming as his expression.
