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“You did? You do?”
I smile against her hair. “Yep. We never gave up hope you would come back to us. We wanted you to have a place that felt like home when you did.” My heart thunders in my chest as I say, “Well, I guess the others never gave up hope you would come back to us.”
Vee frowns and turns to face me. “What does that mean?”
I don’t answer her. I’m not ready to explain, even though I need to. That’s why I brought her here. I urge her to the little cabin and up the front steps.
The door opens smoothly, revealing the space we built together.
A choked sound leaves my girl as she stumbles forward a step, taking in the familiar furniture and decorations. Everything is clean and sweet smelling, a combination of all the pack scents except for Vee’s.
“We’ve spent a lot of time here over the years,” I say as she runs her hand along the back of the cream-colored couch. It’s all the same as it was before, just a little more worn.
Vee touches the pillows and the blankets. Her eyes wander to the little kitchen that’s fully stocked, and then to the fireplace and the mantle. Another strangled sound leaves her as she stumbles toward it, taking in the framed pictures there.
“These-”
“Are the ones from your bedroom,” I confirm.
They’re wrinkled behind their glass. I tried to smooth them out, but it was impossible. I still framed them, put them in a place of prominence in the cabin, so we’d never forget what we did. How we hurt her.
I join her in front of the fireplace, as her fingertips brush the picture of her riding my back, her arms around my neck and a brilliant smile on her face. So fucking beautiful. “Our relationship is kind of like these photos,” I murmur, staring hard at the picture and not at her. It makes it easier to bare my soul if I’m not drowning in a sea of greens and browns and golds. “We wrinkled it, crumpled it up. And no matter how hard we try, we won’t ever be able to make those creases go away, not fully, Vee. We know that. We know the memories of what we did will always be there, but we’re trying so damn hard to smooth things out.”
I feel her turn toward me, feel her staring at my face. “You’re doing a really good job of it so far, Ford. But why do I feel like there’s something else you want to tell me?”
I look at her then, half of my mouth curving into a sad smile. “Because you know me too well, pipsqueak. Even after all these years, you know me better than I even know myself.” I can’t look at her as I tell her the thing I’ve been dreading. The thing that might make her leave us again. “While you were gone, I slept with other women.”
The silence stretches for so long, no reaction from her, that I have to drag my gaze back to her. The shock and pain there makes my heart ache and my alpha recoil. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Vee. I should have… It makes me feel like a fucking failure,” I mutter, looking away from her. I feel her shift her attention to me, feel her soft body press into mine. When her fingers grip my chin in a gentle hold and force my eyes to hers, I see the question there. “That I… that I was so weak. That I fucked other women, that I couldn’t stay strong enough to wait for you.”
Vee’s brows arch in surprise, even as her thumb strokes over my bottom lip. She’s going to argue with me. I don’t give her the chance. If we’re going to do this, be together, she needs to know. I need to tell her.
“For the rest of the pack… it was easier. I’m not saying it was easy, pip, because it wasn’t. It was fucking hard for all of us, losing you like that. But Jackson and Topher, and Asher and Davis… they could get some of what they needed from each other, you know?” She nods like she understands. My hands slide around her, tugging her into my body, while my head drops to nuzzle into her honeyed nectarine scented skin. “I love them. You know I do but, for me it’s always only been you. You’re it for me, Vee.”
I should look at her, should make sure she knows how I feel about her, hope she can see it in my eyes. But instead, I bury my confession in her skin. “I tried to find someone else, Vee. Someone I could get what I needed from. It wasn’t-I took years to get to that point, to get to where I thought you really weren’t coming back. And I was just so fucking lonely. So I tried to fill that loneliness that void in my chest with someone else.”
“It didn’t work.” She doesn’t say it like a question, but as a statement, like she knows from experience.
“It didn’t,” I say, still nuzzled into her neck. “Of course it didn’t. No one can fill your space, pipsqueak. I love you too fucking much to let them.”
Her fingers lace into my hair, running through the strands, fingers scratching just slightly against my scalp in a way that makes me want to purr, but she beats me to it, a soft vibration radiating from her small chest into mine. “You know, I tried dating other packs too,” she says and that brings my head snapping up as a snarl curls my lips. I fucking hate the idea of that, of her spending any amount of time with anyone who isn’t us. Her purr grows from a vibration to a steady thrum.
Fuck. Every ounce of my rage drains from me as she cups my face in both her hands, meeting my gaze with her steady hazel one. “I thought you didn’t want me. I thought in order to move on, I had to find someone else to replace you. Like you, it took a while. But when I got older and closer to my first heat, I tried dating a few packs Beth thought would be a good fit for me.”
My hands flex on her hips before sliding to her ass, tugging her tight against me. “I really hate the idea of that, Vee.”
She smiles up at me. “I know you do. Probably as much as I hate the idea of you with other women. I didn’t wait for you either.” A wince crosses her face. “Well, I didn’t until my body made me. I fully intended to move on with another pack.”
My alpha roars at her statement and I have to keep from letting any amount of that furious possessiveness, that anger, from my face. Vee smirks though, like she knows exactly what I’m feeling. “My point, Ford, is that we can’t be upset with each other over what happened when we were apart. We grew into different people. I don’t resent you for trying to move on. If Jackson hadn’t bumped into me on the street, if we’d never reconnected, I would want you to be happy… eventually. Happy but not too happy.” She huffs. God, she’s adorable. So obviously trying to convince herself that she really would be okay if we all moved on over the last seven years. “I would want you to agonize over moving on, but I would want you to… eventually.”
I know I should say I would want the same thing for her, but I can’t bring myself to lie. I want her happy, yes, but only with us. “There is no happy without you, pipsqueak.”
She smiles up at me. “Well, fuck. I think it’s the same for me.” Her nose wrinkles. “Guess we’ll just have to be happy together, huh?”
My mouth goes dry at her simple statement. At how sure she sounds when she says it.
I nod slowly, reaching up to undo the chain around my neck. “Yeah, pip, I think you’re right. We’ll just have to be happy together.”
Her eyes widen when they focus on the ring dangling from my chain. “Ford.”
