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My shoulders sag, the excitement melting away into sadness when reality sets in. Clyde’s been old since I’ve known him; it’s not like I thought he’d play forever but I wanted to buy the club while he still had a few years left… let him experience the place restored to its former glory.
“I want to buy the club.” I blurt the words out, verbalizing them for the first time. “Like seriously buy it, restore it to what it was back when you started playing there. We could see it turned back into a local neighborhood hot spot with quality, affordable drinks and some amazing live entertainment.” Clyde’s eyes sparkle but I can tell he’s holding back. “It would be a great way to showcase local Chicago-area talent too.”
“That sounds mighty lovely, Stella, it really does but…”
“I know it’s going to be expensive,” I say before he can. “And a lot of work.”
He nods, smiling. “Well, I know if anyone is going to accomplish their dreams, it’s you.” He narrows his gaze. “It is your dream, isn’t it?”
“It is.” The afternoon sun has begun to set, bright-orange ribbons shining through Clyde’s kitchen window. “You know, when I was little, I never felt welcome or like anywhere was home. The only time I felt truly happy was lost in a song. Either I was singing it, writing it, listening to it… whatever was going on around me, if I had music, I could allow myself to imagine I was anywhere but where I was. But when I met you and the guys at Freddy’s, I felt welcomed and accepted. For the first time in my life, I could just be me. I could sing and get lost in the music and I didn’t have to worry if I was disrupting someone by being too loud or taking up too much space.” I let my words trail off as I look out the window. “I know it’s a hole-in-the-wall right now but?—”
“I believe in you.” I smile at Clyde, reaching over to take his hand again. “You light up when you sing and you’ve been given a talent that everyone deserves to hear.” He tugs my hand, pulling me forward until our foreheads touch.
After leaving Clyde’s apartment, I check my watch.
“Shit.” I don’t have time to find a dress for tonight. I have to be dressed and ready for my first song by eight p.m. If Matilda wasn’t a solid foot taller than me, I’d run over to her place and see if I could borrow something. Instead, I’ll just have to make do with what I have. Maybe there’s a long-lost party dress shoved in the back somewhere.
On the walk back home, I pull out my phone, dialing Matilda to fill her in on my interaction with Atlas earlier. I chew my bottom lip, thinking through what exactly I’m going to tell her, the offer of one million dollars rolling around in my head over and over again.
“I can’t,” I say to myself, shaking my head. I hit dial and after only one ring, Matilda answers breathlessly.
“Oh my God, tell me everything!” she pants.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m on a spin bike at the gym but this can’t wait. Spill everything.”
“Well, go ahead and relax because it’s nothing too exciting.”
“What? What do you mean?”
I hear the excitement drain from Matilda’s voice instantly and I feel guilty. Mainly because I’m about to lie to her but also because the request Atlas made to me is about as exciting as it gets and I wish I could tell her about it.
“Well, I just mean that I—he asked me out.” My voice sounds unnaturally high.
“Holy shit! Wait, why’d you say it wasn’t exciting?”
“Oh, well, I didn’t say yes.” The phone goes silent. “Mati?”
“Yeah, I’m here. I’m just really trying to understand this, Stella. What the actual hell?”
“I told him I’d think about it but that I was pretty busy. I thought maybe play hard to get?” I pull that last part out of my ass; it seems like advice she’d give me and clearly it works because I can hear her clapping.
“Well done.” She laughs. “You are going to have that man eating out of your hand by the time you say yes!” she squeals. “You are going to say yes, aren’t you?”
Everything would be so much easier if I said yes. I could afford the down payment for the club, have money for renovations, and maybe even give the band a raise. When I had said no the first time, he upped the offer to five million, a number I can’t even wrap my head around at the moment.
“Yes,” I say, “of course. What’s the worst that can happen, ya know?” I shrug, a pit forming in my stomach. I know I’m not going to say yes to him but the fact that all I’d have to do to fix all my problems is to say yes is a thought I can’t escape.
“Right? Maybe you’ll walk away with a fancy condo or one of those ten-thousand-dollar purses.”
“I don’t want or need either of those things.”
“I knooooow. It’s just fun to fantasize sometimes, Stell. Imagine what it’s like to feel how the other half live.”
“I know.” I reach into my pocket to grab my keys. “And when I move into my mansion, I’ll make sure I invite you over to raid my closet.” I giggle.
“Invite me over? Pshhh,” she scoffs. “I’m moving into my own wing.”
