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“Not tonight, but yes, I want you inside me.”
Fuck. “Yeah. Okay. Yes. We can do that.”
A smile curved over his lips. “I want you in every way I can have you. You’ve turned me into an addict, Joshua James. Earlier tonight, I was telling myself that this thing between us needed to end, that you’re too young for me, too wrong for me, and we have nothing in common. But now here you are, in my bed, and I’m finding it impossible to let you go.”
“It’s the same for me,” I whispered against his lips, stroking my hand over the stubble on his jaw and then up the side of his face to slide my fingers through his soft hair. “I can’t stop thinking about you, and it scares me so much.”
“There are very few things that scare me, but you—this—I’m scared, too,” he rasped. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”
I couldn’t reply, so I kissed him. Again and again and again, losing myself in this man who was just as much at a loss as I was, adrift, caught up in feelings that neither of us understood.
He kissed me again, holding me so fucking tightly. “Joshua. Have you…fuck. Have you been tested? Can I fuck you bare? I’m negative for everything, and I just want?—”
“Yes,” I whispered. “Fucking yes. Please. I’ve been tested recently, and I haven’t been with anyone else since…” Fuck. I inhaled shakily. “Since I walked into your office for the first time.”
His eyes widened, and then his mouth came down on mine, hard and desperate. I wanted him so fucking badly. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted to tell him that there was no one else. That he was the only one for me.
When he pushed inside me after spending what felt like hours opening me up with his fingers, I had to blink back tears. All I could do was hold on, wrapping myself around him as his body moved against mine with slow rolls of his hips, his cock brushing over my prostate every time, sending pleasure curling through my body, my dick and my heart aching at the pure fucking tenderness he was pouring all over me.
When I came, it was a full-body experience, from my head to my toes, goosebumps springing up all over my skin and my heart beating out of my chest. I shook against him, the tears I’d been blinking back spilling over. I sucked in a deep, shuddering breath, pulling Killian’s head into the crook of my neck as he filled me with his release.
“My sunshine,” he murmured, so quietly that I wasn’t sure if I heard him correctly.
I swallowed around the lump in my throat.
I’d always been in control of my life. Always.
Now, I was floundering, and I didn’t know what to do.
16
“What do I do, Sid?” Flopping back on my bed, I rubbed my hands over my face. “This is something I never imagined happening. I caught feelings for him, and I don’t know what to do.”
In his tank, Sid chewed on a lettuce leaf, his stalk eyes focused on me. It seemed like he was listening, and Ander swore that talking to him was therapeutic. So here I was. Spilling my heart to a snail.
“The odds are stacked against us. We’re so different. Neither of us has any experience of relationships, and neither of us even wants to be in one. I’m a student. He’s a lecturer at my uni. He thinks we have nothing in common. He thinks I’m young, and yeah, okay, there’s an age difference, but my fucking soul knows his. We’re connected.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “I never meant for any of this to happen, but I don’t want to give him up. It would tear me apart.”
“Who is he?”
I lowered my hands, my blurry gaze focusing on my housemate filling the doorway, a frown pulling his brows together, his arms folded across his chest.
No. Not him. Anyone but him. “Ander. What are you doing here?”
“Who is he?” he repeated. Stepping into my bedroom, he took a seat at the end of my bed. “I think I have an idea, but I need to hear you say it.”
Fuckfuckfuck.
“You know who it is.” When he just stared at me, his mouth in a thin line, I gave up. “It’s Dr. Wilder.”
Ander collapsed with a loud, pained groan, burying his face in my duvet. He punched my mattress twice, and then he raised his head, an anguished expression on his face. “You couldn’t have picked someone else to fall for? Literally anyone else?”
“Sorry.”
“You have the worst taste, just FYI.”
Hot tears stung the backs of my eyelids, but I refused to let them fall. “Thanks.”
With a sigh, he pulled himself into a sitting position. “You know how I feel about him.”
