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“Yes, I know,” I bit out. To my horror, my voice cracked, and I tore my gaze away, turning away from him so I could hide my face.
“JJ.” Ander’s fingers landed on my arm, and he tentatively patted it. “Sorry. I didn’t…fuck. I’m sorry. It’s…fucking hell, bro, I don’t know what to say.”
I remained silent, and he sighed again. The bed dipped, and then his breath was hitting my ear. “JJ, I really am sorry. I didn’t know he was important to you. You never…you’re like me. You don’t catch feelings.”
“You changed, and I guess I’m changing, too.”
His hand moved from my arm, curling around my waist in a slow, hesitant movement. “This is so fucking weird,” he muttered under his breath, but he held on to me, and after a moment, I allowed myself to relax against him. Eventually, he broke the silence with yet another sigh. “I guess I’m gonna have to try really hard in his class now.”
I sniffed, trying to compose myself. This wasn’t like me. Adrift, unsure, overwhelmed with feelings I couldn’t parse through. “I don’t know how it happened, but it did, and I…he’s… It’s not going to go away.”
“Yeah. You know I’m shit with advice. Sid’s probably better than me. But for what it’s worth, if the way you feel about him is even a little bit like the way I feel about Elliot, don’t let him go.”
“There’s no future for us.” In the weirdest turn of events ever between me and my housemate, I turned around, buried my face in his shoulder, and finally let my tears fall. He held me silently and let me cry.
Much later, I lifted my head, rubbing at my swollen eyes. “Sorry.”
Ander released his grip on me, rolling to his back with a huff of laughter. “Don’t be sorry. You know I’m here for you, always.” He cleared his throat. “Not gonna lie, that was a bit weird. Nothing to do with you, just me…y’know. I’m not the person who comforts other people. Not unless it’s Elliot, anyway.”
“You’re better at it than you think.” I already felt lighter. “I appreciate you. And Sid.”
“Yeah. Sid’s great.” He shot a grin in the direction of the snail. “So. Uh. Now that’s over. Want to work on a plan?”
“A plan?”
“Yeah. When I was eavesdropping, I heard you say he thinks you have nothing in common. You want to change his mind, right?”
Did I?
Fuck. Whatever my brain told me, I knew it wasn’t that easy. I wanted Killian. Even if it didn’t make any sense. Even if I didn’t want a relationship.
“What do you suggest?”
“Simple.” Ander turned the full force of his bright white grin on me. “You teach. He teaches. Take him to your dance group, and he can see the evidence that you’re both teachers.”
“My dance group?” I taught a weekly dance class at a local youth centre, which I’d been involved in since September when one of my lecturers had suggested it as a way to gain experience. I wanted to be a choreographer eventually, and teaching teenagers to dance gave me solid experience for the future, and I loved it.
A reluctant smile spread across my face.
“My dance group,” I repeated, watching as Ander gave me an encouraging nod. Out of the corner of my eye, there was a slow, fluid movement from the tank, and for a second, I could almost delude myself into thinking that Sid was giving me a nod of approval, too.
17
Horizons Youth Centre. I glanced up at the sign before shaking my head and pushing open the door. I had no idea why JJ had insisted on my being here, but I’d been intrigued when I received his text. All he’d said was that there was something we had in common, and then he’d added a time and the address of this place.
“Can I help you?”
I stopped dead inside the doors. A man with salt-and-pepper hair and a kind, weathered face was standing in front of me, a mug of something steaming hot in one hand and a large binder in the other.
“I’m looking for JJ.”
A smile spread across his face. “Of course. You must be Killian. I’m Nick, director of the youth centre. JJ’s just down the hall. Go all the way to the end, turn left, and then it’s the second door on the right.”
He knew who I was? “Thanks,” I managed, attempting to return his smile, although it felt false.
“Don’t mention it.” He stepped aside to let me pass. Straightening my shoulders, I followed his directions, ending up in front of a nondescript door. When I pushed it open, the first thing I saw was a mirrored wall directly in front of me, reflecting my apprehensive expression.
The second thing I noticed was JJ, clad in black dance tights and a loose, royal blue sleeveless exercise top. His cheeks were flushed, and his hair was damp, sticking out in every direction. A small group of teenagers that looked to be somewhere between thirteen and sixteen surrounded him, clamouring for his attention. His eyes were alight with humour as he responded to them, and something inside me warmed. This time, my smile came easily.
