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“Yeah. I’m sorry. I had some personal things happen, so I went off-grid for a bit. Do you know what happened to our meeting this morning? Is it moved?”
“I need to tell you something, but I don’t know how.”
I slide into the chair in front of her. “It’s okay. Just tell me.”
“Dylan, Eli’s in the hospital. There was a horrible accident. He was riding his motorcycle in the rain on Sunday. He hydroplaned. The police and witnesses said he tried to lay down his bike but ran out of room. His helmet saved his life initially, but he’s in intensive care, in a coma. It doesn’t look good.”
I want to scream. I want to cry. I feel sick to my stomach. My whole body starts shaking. “Anna, what hospital?”
“He’s at Bellevue. Andy and Jack are there with Evie and Lily. Hayley’s been running back and forth with Wes between here, there, and the houses. I was getting the morning pickup ready when I just couldn’t take it and sat in his chair.”
“Get it all ready and tell Hayley not to come. I will go to them. I need to be with him.”
I get up out of the chair and take a few steps before my knees start to shake. I reach out for the door frame to hold myself up. “Dylan?” Anna’s voice calls to me. I hear it in a fog, nearly like I’m dreaming this whole thing.
“I’m going to get my sneakers on and my hoodie from my desk. I’ll be right back.”
I hold my left arm across my stomach and use my right hand to balance against the walls until I reach my cube. I slide the glass door open and little pieces of him greet me. There is the dried rose he took from the centerpiece from the holiday party and put in a tiny vase behind my keyboard. The antique Degas wall plaque he gave me for Christmas. The snow globe that reminds me of our trip to Vermont.
I don’t want to make any of this about me, but I need a selfish moment. I sit down in my chair and find the tears again. He told me he loved me that day and I didn’t believe him. I sit here and look at these things, and it was there if I’d only chosen to look past the surface.
I don’t like to admit when I’m wrong or when I’m young or naïve. I was, and am, both. He never should have had to tell me.The proof was in every time he spoke. He came to find me, to tell me, and I sent him away. Those words he said could have been his last. They were given to me.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Dylan
I clutch the tote Anna packed for me to my chest on the cab ride to Bellevue. I’ve only been in social settings with Eli’s mother and grandmother a couple of times. His father and grandfather only know me as his intern. Hayley knows about us. Wes knows. How can I look any of them in the eye? I did this.
The cab drops me off outside the emergency department. I stand there looking at the automatic doors open and close, over and over again, as people file in and out around me. One man stops just in front of me to my right. He lifts up the brim of his baseball cap and turns back to look at me.
“Dylan?”
It’s Wes. He’s only ever seen me looking like a wild club dancer, dressed in a ball gown, or wrapped in one of Eli’s sheets, not like a corporate executive. I didn’t recognize him either. He’s never got a hair out of place or lets the stubble on his face get too long. I can tell he hasn’t slept, and maybe not even showered, in a couple days. “Wes. Hi.”
“Fuck. I’ve been trying to call you.”
I feel that shake coming back to my knees. “My phone was off.”
“Come on, let’s go. I’ll take you up.”
He tugs on my elbow to get me to follow. I don’t move. My feet have become part of the concrete. “Wait.” I take a firm hold on his forearm. “Just wait. How bad is it? I need to process that part here first.”
Wes rubs the side of his face. “Let’s go sit on that bench over there.” He switches the duffel he was carrying to his other shoulder and guides me back to the bench. He sets his bag down and tries to take mine. I don’t let him. There’s a piece of Eli in here. I can’t let it go.
I search his face for any glimmer of hope. I can't find it. “I’d like to be able to sugarcoat it for you, but there isn’t enough sugar in the world.”
“What happened?” I ask.
“No one knows why he was on the bike or why he was riding along the river, but he was. We got that downpour late in the morning. He was on his way back to his place, we think, when the exit and the water took him out. He never rides this early in the season.” Wes holds his head in his hands. “Why was he fucking out there?”
I suck back a sob. “Me. He’d been with me. We’d been rehashing what happened on Saturday night. Thinking about it now, it was stupid. I went over to apologize Sunday morning. He wasn’t there, but Tori was.”
He sighs. “Fuck her. Dammit.”
“She was in his T-shirt and had clearly stayed the night. I never really believed he’d been with her in any type of way. I know how he feels about cheating. He’d never do that to anyone. But…”
“But what?”
