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Andy and Evie need to go home to get some real sleep. They go in first. I offer to call Anna and give her an update, so she can let all the AnSa employees know what’s going on. I find a secluded spot in the far corner of the waiting room. We’re the only family left here.
My call didn’t take long. I gave her enough information so an email could be sent, and a press release could go out. I pretended to be on the phone for much longer than I was so I could get a few minutes to myself. The minute the doctor left, the thing Wes told me not to do happened. I started the blame game in my head.
If I’d stayed and talked to him at the gala, we wouldn’t be here. If I’d waited with Tori, we wouldn’t be here. If I hadn’t chosen to let him go, he’d never have been on that bike in the rain. The pain that’s been in my heart for days, and the hours I’ve been here, radiates throughout my body.
My head is pounding. My eyes are raw from crying. My stomach feels like it’s eating itself. I could be sick if the breeze blew just right. “Gran and Pops didn’t want to disturb you. They’re heading home until morning. You look like shit.”
Wes slides into the chair next to me. I toss my phone down into my lap, praying that rubbing across my belly over and over will somehow help the situation. “Thanks. At least I showered today. It is still today, right?”
“Yeah. I’ll go home and shower in a bit then come back. I mean it though. You don’t look good.”
“I’m not feeling particularly amazing in any way.”
“What can I do? He’s going to want to see Viper when he wakes up. You’re about garter snake level.”
“Jokes aren’t going to fucking help,” I snap.
“Oh, I see where we’re at. Got it. Get up. We’re getting you some coffee.”
“I don’t want coffee.”
“Get up. It’s not a request.”
Wes is always happy-go-lucky with a smart-ass remark for everything. He’s got a tone right now that pisses me off. I don’t need to be ordered around. I just want to fucking wallow for a few minutes. Is that too much to ask?
“Fine. Where?”
“There’s a little pantry down the hall. Follow me.”
He spins his hat backward as he rises from his chair and storms ahead. I toss my phone into my purse as I follow. I’m not as steady on my feet as I was twenty minutes ago, but I’m not going to show him that. If he wants a fight, I’m going to give him one.
He condescendingly holds the door open. “After you.”
“Don’t act like you’re some kind of gentleman all of a sudden.”
“Oh, I know I’m not. You needed to go in first so I could do this.”
Once I’m past him and inside, he locks the door. His back is to the little window so no one can see in. I charge at him. “What the fuck? Let me out of here.”
“No. Not until this is settled. I told you before that you were not allowed to sit and blame yourself. I wasn’t going to let you up here if that’s what you were going to do because they don’t need it, Eli doesn’t need it. You suck it up and get in check.
“Pops and Gran are gone. Jack, Lil, and Hayles are not here. It’s just you and me now. Give it to me. Let me see it so when Eli wakes up, it’s just you and him in that room, not you, him, and the big ball of guilt I see on your face.”
“Fuck you.” I shove him back. He’s nearly twice my size. There’s no way he should move, but he does.
“Is that all you’ve got?”
“Fuck. You,” I scream as I shove him again, but this time I bounce off and tumble into the seat behind me. The chair rocks back and forth. The sound of the metal legs on the floor echoes until it settles, blending with huffs, puffs, and pure anger along with Wes’s words.
“Yeah, that’s right. Fuck me. You think you’re the only one who feels responsible? Do you? I could have stepped in and taken care of Tori for him. I could have steered her away fromEli. His sense of honor wouldn’t allow it. He knew she would make a fucking scene, like the damn diva she is, if she didn’t get what she wanted. Rather than embarrassing the guests, family, and having her figure out about you before you were both ready, he took the bullet.
“That was the start of this whole mess. We all could have made different choicesincludingEli. But none of us did. What happened to him on his bike was an accident. It wasn’t because I did or didn’t do something, or you, or him. It was a fucking accident that hewillwalk away from because I won’t accept anything else. I won’t.”
“He told me he loves me, and I didn’t say it back. I didn’t fucking say it back. We always say I choose you. We do. We chose each other. Then I chose to walk away. I basically said his choice wasn’t enough. Then he told me he still chose me,andhe loves me.”
“Do you want to say it back?”
“I need to go. Wes, let me out. Please.”
