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“No. Answer the question. Have the fucking balls to say it.”
“I’m not going to answer you when I haven’t answered him. He gets to know before you.” I drag my body out of the chair, reach around him, and pull on the door. I forget it’s locked, and my fingers rip from the handle. My feet tangle up as I tumble back into Wes. His hands catch me just under my arms.
I feel like screaming, crying, punching him, but I’ve got nothing left. When my hand leaves that door handle, all the force that was holding me upright is now dragging me to the floor. I can feel myself sinking lower and lower. It’s like my legs no longer work.
“No, you don’t.” His arm wraps at my waist and he lifts me back to the chair. “You’ve been here ten hours. When did you eat or drink last?”
“Ummm, coffee this morning. Soup last night.”
“I’m no doctor, but damn. Lay your head on your arm. Until he wakes up, you’re my wingman. I’m not leaving you. Hear me?”
“Yes.” My nose buries into Eli’s sweater sleeve. As I close my eyes, I hear several layers of swear words as Wes feeds dollars and coins into the vending machine.
“There’s soup in here. I’m going to warm this up and you’re going to fill the damn can with crackers and eat it all. Got it?”
I reach back for his hand, hoping like hell he’ll take mine. “There’s nobody here. It’s just you and me. You’re scared, aren’t you?”
“He adopted me as a brother a long time ago. That’s a story for another time.” Wes’s tone is so different as we talk about Eli. I get a real sense that these two have been to hell and back in ways I don’t know about. “He’s the smart one. He’s the brave one. He’s the glue. I’m not willing to think about a world he doesn’t exist in.”
“I wasn’t ready to say it. I choose you was safe. It was true, and he knows what it means to me. Because I choose him, I can’t let him give up his dreams. He’s never asked me to give up mine. He deserves to be a husband and a father. I can’t tell him right now, today, that I’ll ever be ready.”
“Instead of worrying about what you’re not, think about what you are. You weren’t here for the clean up after Tori walked out. It took him three years to take the damn ring off and took him an hour with you to feel alive. I thought it was the sex alone, but it was you. You’d move, he’d move. He’s always given more than he gets. Not this time. You’re his equal. He’s not going to give that up. You shouldn’t give up on him.”
The microwave finally beeps. It’s like the bell ending the round of a fight. This round is a draw. We both got things out that we needed to before it turned even uglier. I still need to answer his question, and I will. To Eli.
For about ten minutes, I drink the warmth down slowly while Wes rests his head on his arm and closes his eyes. His hand cups over the top of his hat. I may have even heard him snore once or twice. He jerks awake and looks around confused. I offer him my hand as a place of comfort, if he wants to take it. He does.
I take in about half my soup and most of a bottle of water before I’m even allowed up out of the chair. I answer his silent question of if I’m okay with a simple nod, and I motion with my head for the door. We wander like zombies back to the waiting room. My body is so tired it aches.
“Viper. Catch a few Z’s. I’ll wake you when Jack and Lil come back.”
With the soup still in my hands for warmth, I curl up in one of the oversized chairs. Eli’s sweater covers most of my body. My head rests deep in the crack of the cushion. After I close my eyes, I can hear Wes dial someone on his phone. I hear him say, “Hey, Mom.” That’s the last thing I hear.
Chapter Thirty-One
Dylan
I’m punching the air.
I’m so angry. I want to fight.
I leap into the air with my toes hooked to the sky. I land with such force that it vibrates up my body.
I hold my hands over my ears. I don’t want to hear the music anymore.
Eli appears in front of me.
He’s smiling, but his face is scratched, his jacket and T-shirt are torn, and there’s a trail of blood running down his cheek.
Every time I reach out to wipe it away, he backs up.
“Don’t,” I tell him. “Stay,” I say.
“Dylan.”
I hear my name. He’s calling me from the back of the auditorium.
“Dylan.”
