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Carter runs a hand over his face. “What if I ask you to?”
I gasp, panic quickly rising. “I don’t understand.”
“What if I ask you to leave? What if I tell you that when you and the baby have been discharged, I’ll have Tristan drive you anywhere you want?”
My chest feels tight, and it feels like I can’t breathe.
“W-wait. Why do you want to send me away? I already told you that I’ve seen the change you’re capable of, Carter. I believe you.”
Carter’s expression softens as he sits back down. “I know you do, and I’m glad, but I don’t believe myself. I don’t trust myself. There’s always going to be this thing inside of me, and if I ever put you in danger again, or if it ever endangers our daughter’s life… I’d never be able to forgive myself.”
I bow my head to hide my tears. “I don’t want to leave.”
“You wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Neither you nor our daughter will want or need for anything. I’ll set up a bank account for you and a trust fund for our daughter.”
I glance up sharply. “You’re making it sound like I’m already out the door.”
Carter cups my face in his hands and holds my gaze. “You should be because I’ve finally realized that I can’t protect you from all of it, or any of it, actually. I can’t do a fucking thing except step away and hope the target on our back gets smaller, but I don’t know if it’s too late.”
Tears continue to spill out of my eyes. “So, you think the solution is to send me away? So your daughter and I can live in exile away from you? Don’t you want to be a part of her life?”
A part of me knows why he’s doing this.
Carter has had a revelation, an epiphany that’s making him realize what’s truly important in life, but as much as I don’t want our daughter to be collateral damage, I can’t let him do this.
I won’t. She deserves to have a father in her life, and he deserves the chance to try.
Carter is becoming the man I’ve always hoped he would be, at long last, and I know that walking away from him is only going to ruin that.
Carter grips the back of my neck and presses our foreheads together. “You have no idea how fucking hard this is. Of course, I want to be a part of her life and yours, but I’m trying to do the right thing here. I don’t know how to be selfless… I’ve never known how, but you taught me how. You and our daughter deserve a good life, and if you want it to be far away from me, I’ll find a way to make my peace with it.”
I wind my fingers through Carter’s hair and exhale. “And if I don’t? I’ve seen how hard you’ve been trying, Carter, and how much work you’ve put in to become a better man. I’d be crazy to walk away now.”
“Or sane.”
I shake my head furiously. “We aren’t going anywhere. I want us to be a family, that is if you still want to be.”
Carter crushes his lips to mine. “I want to have everything and more with you.”
My head is spinning as I grip the back of his neck.
Before I can angle my head to deepen the kiss, the baby cries. Reluctantly, Carter pulls away and releases me. He picks her up, and my head is still swimming as I watch them through hooded eyes. Then I smile and let my hands fall to my sides.
“Let’s get married.”
Carter has her pressed to his chest and is swinging her back and forth. “I already proposed to you, dove. Or was it that forgettable?”
“I mean, let’s get married right now,” I tell him, my lips spreading into a smile. “I don’t want to wait anymore.”
Carter is still rocking the baby. “I thought you wanted a destination wedding somewhere on the beach.”
“We can have all of that later, but I don’t want to wait one more second to be your wife.”
Or to start our life together. We’ve waited long enough.
Slowly, Carter sets the baby back down in her crib, and with a lot of tenderness, he tucks her in. Then he holds his hand out to help me up. Once I’m on my feet, he sweeps me into his arms and holds me close enough for me to feel the hammering of his heart through his clothes. With an exhale, he cups the back of my neck and murmurs something unintelligible under his breath.
“So, is that a yes?”
