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I have no idea what the doctor has given me, but I can feel it working as it pumps through my veins. I feel weightless already—like nothing can tie me down.
“I’m sorry,” Sam murmurs, her eyes filling with tears. “I know you’re going to be pissed at me when you wake up, and that’s fine.”
I stare at Sam, a kaleidoscope of emotions rising up within me. “Why?”
“You haven’t been out of bed in days. You barely eat or drink, and you don’t move at all,” Sam continues as if she hasn’t heard me. “If there was anything else, we would’ve done it. Believe me, Anita, Tristan, and I have gone over all the options.”
My tongue feels heavy and clumsy inside of my mouth.
“You and your baby are going to be fine,” Sam adds in a softer voice. “I’m going to make sure of it, and I don’t want you to worry about that, okay? For now, you just need to sleep.”
Except for the first time in days, I don’t want to sleep.
I fight the pull of sleep for as long as I can, even earning a yelp from Sam when I squeeze her hand too hard. Still, she doesn’t let go, and she doesn’t leave the room. My limbs start to grow heavy, and my head lolls to the side. I try to keep my eyes open for as long as possible, even as spots dance in my field of vision.
My grip goes slack, and Sam stands up.
She draws the covers back up to my chin and lingers. “I really am sorry, Isabella.”
My last thought before I drift off to sleep is of Carter and what he would do if he were here.
I can’t blame Sam for making a difficult decision, not when Carter himself would’ve done the same. Before my eyes flutter shut, I imagine Carter holding me in his arms and stroking my hair.
All my dreams are of Carter on the edge of the same field, holding an arm out in my direction while the other arm holds the baby to him. This time, the baby doesn’t have Rich’s face. Instead, she looks like my mother, and it sends a pang of regret through me. My mother’s been gone for years after a brief and tumultuous fight with dementia.
I try not to think about her, but when I see her face on my baby’s body, it’s like I’ve been punched in the gut. Throughout the dream, I keep running across the field of grass, but I’m never close enough to reach them. Eventually, Carter stops holding his hand out, takes our baby, and leaves.
And it’s like my heart is ripped out every single time.
When I sit up in bed, drenched in sweat and with my heart hammering against my chest, I have no idea what time it is. It takes me too long to figure out where I am, especially when I take in the unfamiliar closet along the opposite wall and a door leading into the adjoining, tile-floored bathroom. Finally, when I shove my hair out of my face, I realize that Sam is sitting in a rocking chair by the window.
She snaps her book shut when I look at her. “Good, you’re awake.”
I lean back against the mattress, my heart still pounding steadily in my ears. “How long have I been asleep?”
Sam grimaces and stands up. “A day and a half. Tristan, Anita, and I took turns watching you.”
I press a hand to my forehead and exhale. “Did the doctor come by again?”
Sam swallows and clears his throat. “Once. He brought your test results over himself, and he wanted to check on your fever.”
“My fever?”
“You spiked a fever after he gave you the sedative,” Sam replies with a frown. “We couldn’t get you out of bed to get you to the hospital, and we were afraid of hurting the baby. Dr. Huntley hurried over when we called him.”
I drape an arm over my stomach and blink, chasing away some of the spots in my field of vision. “Thank you.”
Sam drifts over and leans over me, and it’s only then that I realize she’s got dark circles under her eyes and a shirt that is on backward. “What are you thanking me for? I feel terrible.”
“For saving my life?”
“Because I had to ignore you to save your life and your baby’s life,” Sam responds after a brief pause. “If you want to be mad at me, I understand.”
I blow out another shaky breath. “I’m not mad at you. I don’t want to be mad at anyone. I’m just… tired.”
Sam peers at my face. “Do you want to go and sit in the garden? Get some fresh air? The doctor said it’ll be good for you and the baby.”
I start to shake my head, then nod when I see the look on Sam’s face.
