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My anger at the whole situation roars its ugly head, making me bold and unrelenting. He doesn’t have feelings for me. Fine. That doesn’t mean he can continuously throw it in my face.
Ignoring SJ, I grab Sam’s hand like she did mine before coming in here before SJ can see the hurt in my eyes. “Come on, Sam. I want to look at something in the back.” I don’t wait for her to respond as I drag her to the back of the store.
“Woah, woah slow down there, speed racer.” Sam gently tugs on the arm firmly holding on to hers.
I instantly release her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so rough. Are you okay?” I’m worried that I hurt her arm.
“Oh, I’m fine. Are you okay?”
“I’m just dandy,” I say as I search the area for SJ, but I don’t see him right away. I guess he’s too chicken to follow us back here. Good.
“That did not go as expected. You two are much more stubborn than I anticipated,” Sam says on a sigh.
Now I’m confused. “What does that mean?”
“It means… Oh, nothing. Come look at this. I think it would look great on you.” She changes the subject so quickly I think I develop whiplash.
“No, I want to know what’s going on right now. Did I miss something? Who is stubborn?” I rapidly fire my questions, not waiting to give her a chance to respond.
“You and him,” she answers while jutting her thumb over her shoulder to gesture to the hulking man standing awkwardly in the corner of the lingerie section. His eyes dart all around the room, refusing to land on a single thing in particular. I’m worried he’ll make himself dizzy.
“Look how uncomfortable he is. Isn’t it cute? I mean, I’m practically a woman, one who likes to explore her undergarment choices.” Sam giggles.
My eyes volley back and forth between the two of them, and I suddenly realize what she’s been trying to set up from the beginning of our little excursion. That little snot.
But instead of scolding her, I decide that maybe she’s on to something. Why not have a little fun? Make SJ squirm and pick up something cute and sexy at the same time.
It’s been a week of built-up frustration and hurt over the situation I find myself in. Part of it’s my fault. I’ve let myself dwell and cry over what will never be, and part of it’s just life.
Sometimes it doesn’t work out. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be. I need to put on my big girl panties and accept that.
What I’ve realized out of this entire experience is I’m tired of being alone. I want someone to share my life with, someone I can lean on when things get hard. Someone to celebrate the big wins with. I thought that person may be SJ, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I decide right then and there that I’m going to put myself out there more. Stalker or SJ be damned. I only have one life to live, and I’ve spent the better part of it focused on dance. It’s time for that to change. At least to a certain extent. I don’t want to give up my dream, but I’ve realized that I have room in my life for both.
A career and a great love.
“Ohhh, what about this one?”
I pull a modest two piece set off the rack. It has lace all around the bra area and at the bottom curve of the panties. It’s conservative, but definitely sexier than what I normally wear. It even looks somewhat comfy. I may have let loose a little, but I’m not about to go ham with a seventeen-year-old impressionable girl with me.
Sam shrugs her shoulders. “It’s cute, but you can do better.” There’s a twinkle in her eyes that makes me giggle. This girl really is up to no good right now as she picks up something else. “I think this one is super sexy. Hey, bro, what do you think?”
I look in his direction just long enough to catch red splotches color his dark cheeks. His eyes are still on their continuous detour, but I stand there and wait for his answer. I’m curious to see what he has to say. Sam picked a racier one piece with a thong in the back and a plunging neckline.
It’s definitely something I wouldn’t be caught dead holding up to my brother at her age. That is, if I had a brother. Sam has some spunk and courage for sure. Before I can blink, SJ has marched over and grabbed it from her hands.
“What the hell are you doing?” he questions in a panicked voice.
Poor dude is about to crawl out of his skin from how uncomfortable he is.
“Why don’t you go outside and wait? We won’t be long, and you’ve already thoroughly scanned the store. We’re safe in here,” I say with narrowed eyes and a little bite in my tone.
It sucks to have your crush right there in your face, looking beautiful and handsome all damn day, and your feelings go unreciprocated.
His gaze swings to me, and I think I see the tiniest bit of hurt in his eyes. I second guess myself and reach out to put my hand on his arm to comfort him, but I snatch it back at the last second.
Stop it. He’s a big boy. He can tell his sister no if he wants, but I’m going to look around for a few minutes and buy something that will make me feel good. Hell, maybe even wanted.
