Page 23 of Noticing Natalie


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A tense silence settles between us, and I don’t know what to say. That he’s even worried about the air between us being anything is a shock to me.

“The way things ended back at school…” he stops, his mouth drawn into a tight frown. “I don’t know what happened. But I know I hurt you. And that has bothered me ever since.”

I scoff, unable to hold it in. “Matthew, that was six years ago. That was high school. Surely you haven’t given it, me, a single thought since then.”

He levels me with a stare. “I’ve thought many thoughts about you, Natalie,” he says in a gruff voice. “More than you can possibly know.”

The air stays trapped in my lungs, and I choke on my iced tea. Spluttering, I try to control my breathing, feeling like I’m drowning. “You don’t mean that,” I gasp out when I’m able to.

He reaches across the table, patting me on the back before pushing my glasses up my nose. A gesture that evokes a thousand small memories, each hurting like a tiny paper cut.

“You have no idea,” he says quietly. “And I just want to know what I did to end our…friendship? Was it because you found out I didn’t really need a tutor?”

My befuddled brain screeches to a halt. Is he admitting to what I think he is? “So, you admit it?” Anger bubbles under my skin and I push my chair back. The trauma from what took place all those years ago is still fresh in my mind.

“I thought it was a harmless lie.” His eyes beg me to understand. I refuse. “A way to get to know you better.”

Huh?

“And a way to complete the dare,” I remind him, my cheeks heating with six years’ worth of humiliation.

Now it’s his turn to look confused. “What dare?”

“Dare, bet, whatever you want to call it. I know that’s why you befriended me. That it was all a game to you and your friends.”

Matthew looks blank and then so appalled by this that my nerve endings tingle. I was right about this all those years ago. Wasn’t I?

“Let me get this straight.” His nostrils flare and for the first time since the long-ago day he confronted Dave, I see him angry. “You thought I was spending time with you as part of some sort of dare?”

My mind races in tune with my heart, which is now thumping loudly in my chest. Why does he look so devastated by this?

“Yes.”

His jaw clenches and unclenches. “Can you please explain?”

I glance at the clock. I need to get back to work, but this feels too big to walk away from.

“I heard Laura Smith talking in the bathroom.” I stop and take in a wavering breath. “And they were talking about how you were going to ask me to the school formal as part of a dare…” I trail off, no longer certain about what I’d heard.

Matthew leans over and intertwines his fingers with mine. “So, you heard some immature, snarky girls making up stuff because they were jealous, and you believed them without even talking to me first?”

I flush at the reproach I hear in his voice. “Well, it made it all make sense.” I tug at my hand and he refuses to let it go, instead drawing me and my chair back closer to the table. To him. With his face now inches from me, his eyes bore into mine.

“How could any of that possibly make sense?”

I flap my free hand around, gesturing between us. “Come on, Matthew, you were the captain of all things popular.” He smiles slightly at this description and I bite my lip before continuing. “And I was nobody.”

My eyes sting, and I blink rapidly. Do not cry, Natalie. Now is not the time.

“New Girl, no.” He runs his thumb over my cheek, wiping away my tears. Where did they come from? “You were everything.”

I blink. And blink again. That can’t be right. Before I can utter another word, he sits back in his chair, letting go of my hand with a sad smile on his face.

“All this time you thought I was forced to spend time with you?”

I shrug. Yes.

“Don’t you remember how much fun we had together? How you saved me from that flock of killer birds?”

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