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He’d set her free.
He’d shove me right back into the dark and everlasting emptiness.
Perhaps Victor was right. Maybe I felt things for Ily because I’d hunted and caught her on the last night of my humanity. Maybe my downfall into monster-hood was inevitable, and I should just stop fighting and give in.
Even if I found a way to get the GPS coordinates to Q and he slaughtered them all, that still didn’t treat the disease inside me. I could move to France and inherit a brother, but really…I would always have these urges. Always have this sickness. Always be trapped and alone and hurting.
Merde.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I slid down the wall and sat on the shower floor.
I can’t…I can’t keep pretending.
Faking shit out there and faking shit in here.
I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Didn’t think I’d ever known because I’d been too shit-scared to be honest.
You could just stay here.
Keep Q’s money.
Keep her.
A blanket of calmness fell.
For a few seconds, I chose that path and felt peace.
I’d give anything to just…be me.
Unapologetically, authentically me.
And if that meant I was the villain, then…
Sighing heavily, I wrapped my arms around my knees. Water kept raining. Thoughts kept racing. Guts kept churning.
I didn’t know what I wanted anymore, but I couldn’t go back down there. I couldn’t face her. Couldn’t pretend to be the good guy for her and the bad guy for everyone else.
Not yet.
I needed time.
Time to remember that this wasn’t about me. This wasn’t meant to be a cure for my stupid rejected heart. This was about them. The men and women who’d been stolen and enslaved.
As long as I put them first, I could stay in the light.
As long as Ily didn’t fight me, I could stay good.
Live or die.
Love or loneliness.
My fate was decided the moment my mother gave birth to a monster.
One of these days, someone would put me down.
And when that day came, I wouldn’t have to struggle anymore.
I could rest.
