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I had a feeling we’d both been stuck for a while. Maybe we didn’t believe we were worthy of more than we had.
At the red barn, people were going in and out of the door for the shop; some were browsing the cut tree lot, others picked up wreaths to examine them, and a worker was securing the trees to the tops of vehicles. There was something comforting about observing everyone below.
“When I sit here, I don’t feel so lonely.”
“I didn’t realize you were.” He was surrounded by his family. He was within walking distance of their houses. He never had to be alone.
“I always felt like I didn’t fit in. Kids picked on me in school for what I created, and my dad always seemed put off by my interests. I wasn’t what he was hoping for in a boy. And now, my brothers are in love. They’re busy with their new lives. My mother is ecstatic at the promise of more grandchildren and an even bigger family. They don’t stop by to see me as much. I don’t blame them. But I come here to feel like I’m not so alone.”
“I had no idea.” His admission was heartbreaking, but at the same time, I felt good that he’d confided in me. I wondered if he’d mentioned how he felt to his mother. “I always envied how you grew up here with a big family. Your farm was your playground. You didn’t need anything else.”
“I can’t talk to anyone else about things like this. My brothers would give me a hard time.”
“You think they’d make fun of you?” I asked, not quite believing that, even though I’d seen them give each other a hard time.
Talon pursed his lips. “That’s what we do.”
“You want to know what I see?” I asked him.
Talon kept his gaze on the farm below as he nodded.
“I see a family that loves each other. Sure, they give each other a hard time, but at the end of the day, they’re there for each other. Your brothers support you. I know it might not be perfect, but it’s your brand of love.”
Talon moved forward again. “I don’t know what I want. I was thinking if I tried something different this Christmas, maybe there’d be a different outcome.”
He was asking for my help, not just in healing our pasts but in moving forward. I felt a renewed sense of purpose as I stood and brushed off my jeans. “There will be.” Then I held my gloved hand out to him. “Let’s pick out that tree.”
“I think it’s the first one we saw. The one that was on the hill.”
“I think so, too,” I said with a grin as we headed back the way we came. There was something about walking down the row of Christmas trees that was invigorating. There was a stronger smell of evergreen here, and we were hidden from the rest of the world. There was a symmetry to the rows, an order that my mind liked. I wondered if I lived here for real if we’d take more walks like this one, with no particular destination in mind.
Talon frowned as he assessed the tree. “It will be harder to get a good angle to cut it down.”
“You can do it. You grew up here, after all. You must have cut down a thousand trees.”
Talon’s lips twitched. “Something like that.”
When we reached the one we saw, we re-examined it.
“Is this it?”
I could see it filling the space in his home, providing much-needed cheer. “Absolutely.”
Talon let go of my hand and got on the ground. “Can you hold on to it while I cut?”
“Of course.” I reached through the branches to grip the tree as he lifted the branches to examine the base.
“It will be tough.”
I laughed. “You can do it.”
Talon grunted, and it reminded me of when we were dating and he was reluctant to do something. I always encouraged him, and in the end, he usually attempted whatever it was. I liked to think that I brought out the best in him, and he did the same for me.
For the last few years, it felt like my light had been dimmed. That I was merely existing because I was stuck in the past, unable to move on. Talon was right. We needed this time to heal.
The sound of the saw slicing through the trunk filled the air, and I gripped the tree harder as it began to tilt. Since it was on a hill, it felt even heavier as I fought to keep it upright. Talon sawed through the base and then jumped up to grab the tree before it tipped to the side. The tilt of the tree had me tipping forward and into Talon’s body.
He held the tree in one hand and wrapped his free arm around my body. I found myself pressed against his chest. The thump of his heart under my cheek was strong and steady.
