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A whirlwind of emotions engulf me as I clutch the invitation in my trembling hands. Anguish and disbelief wrestle for dominance in my chest. I replay moments in my mind, searching for something I’ve missed. Then a surge of betrayal sweeps over me, and I can’t shake the feeling of being a fool for not seeing this coming. How long had he been planning this behind my back? Doubt creeps in, casting shadows on the sincerity of every shared laugh and whispered sweet words.
Am I the last to know? The outsider in my own story? I can’t breathe. I can’t fucking breathe as tears spill from my eyes without welcome. I look around the room as if it held the answers to all my questions, but it just echoes back to me the cold truth that my trust had been misplaced.
I place the invitation in the center of Roman's desk. The invitation of his engagement to Georgina. The invitation with a printed date of one week from now.
The weight of the betrayal settles on my shoulders, making each step heavier than the last. I grapple with a profound sense of inadequacy, as humiliation crashes over me, leaving fragments of my heart on the floor as I rush to the elevator. I don’t stop to tell Leah goodbye. I don’t stop when I see familiar faces exit the elevator, and as the doors close, my heart knows that I’ll never return to this place.
My phone buzzes as I exit the building. Roman’s name is on the screen. I stare at it, the letters blurring through my tears. He must have just missed me and found the invitation I left for him on his desk. He continues to call over and over, I ignore him, walking straight past Pharrell standing by Roman’s car and numbly walk the long way back to my apartment.
The moment I open my door, Austin is by my side, and I know without looking, Roman is here. He stands from the couch and begins to walk towards me, his face pale and sweaty.
“You need to leave.” I step back from him. “Now.”
“Indie, I owe you an explanation.” His words more of a plea than a statement. I see the desperation in his eyes, so foreign, so alien.
“The invitation is explanation enough. You never made me any promises, Roman. You owe me nothing.”
“Sweetheart, I can explain. Please listen to me.” He reaches out and grabs my arm.
I look down at it like I have a stain on my sleeve and shove him away. If the pain I feel was a real living breathing thing that you could see, it would be ugly, raw, and bloody. It would have sharp teeth and deadly claws.
“Don't you dare call me that, and do not touch me,” I snap at him, watching his face wince, pained from my rebuke.
“What the hell is going on here?” Austin cuts in, worry etched on his still-healing face. I ignore him and open the front door wide.
“My debt to you has been well and truly paid. You stay the hell away from me and my brother. I swear, Roman, you don't even so much as whisper my name. Get out of my apartment and out of my life.”
“Indie,” Roman says my name with such anguish that my heart rips open again. “I love you.”
The room stills. You could hear a pin drop, it’s so quiet.
“And that’s my queue to leave.” Austin stares wide-eyed between us before heading to his room and shutting the door.
“I don’t believe a single word you say, Roman. I think you loved the idea of us. Hell, I did too, but let’s be honest with ourselves here, this was never going to end well. Our worlds don’t mix, no matter how much we want them to. Today was the wake-up call I needed to stop this silly charade we are fooling ourselves with.”
“Not a charade, Indie. I do care about you. I swear to you, the engagement is my father's doing. A betrothal I wanted nothing to do with, but forced upon, all the same.”
“Bullshit,” I spit. “You’re a grown-ass man. Are you that much of a coward that you can’t stand up to your daddy, or are you so greedy and obnoxious that you wanted the sidepiece and the wife?”
“You have no idea the pressure I’ve had to endure over this. I’ve been groomed to be this man my whole fucking life. I never intended to go through with the wedding. I have just been biding my time to work things out.”
“Oh, I see the problem. The company or the girl. An ultimatum. The girl that doesn’t fit into any mold in your society. A girl that has nothing and is a no one, or the family's company that you’ve poured your very soul into. The choice seems easy to me.”
“It's a hell of a lot more complicated than that.”
“Tell me why, Roman. Tell me how complicated it is.”
“Because I love you, goddammit. I love you, and I don’t know what to fucking do about it. He leans forward, wiping the stray tear that has fallen and wet my cheek, and I let him. I let myself feel him one last time, closing my eyes and savoring the moment before opening my eyes again and looking up at him.
I narrow my eyes at him. How dare he pull the I love you trick on me. “Well, let me make the choice easier for you. I don’t love you, so go to your prestigious company and soon-to-be wife and leave me the hell alone.”
“You don’t mean that. I know you love me, Indie.”
“I wanted to love you, Roman. I honestly did, but it will cost me too much. I can only turn a blind eye to the man you truly are for so long before I’ll lose myself. This is for the best, and I need for you to let me go.”
Something flickers in his eyes, pain, realization, truth. He swallows whatever words he’s going to say and then steps towards me, kissing me on the forehead just like he always does. The gesture so final, so excruciating that I almost break. Almost. Then he leaves.
How do you rise up from nothing, when your heart is so dark and hollowed out that it physically hurts to breathe? How do you move on from a past betrayal and learn to trust and love again? I don’t know if you can. I think you just exist. You get through each day, minute by minute, because even just one hour away seems impossible, seems too intolerable.
