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Austin
THE HOSPITAL HALLWAY ECHOES with the shuffle of footsteps as I make my way toward the exit. The sterile scent of antiseptic gradually gives way to the crisp air of freedom as I step outside, squinting against the sunlight. Supported by Indie at my side, she helps me into Roman's awaiting car. I feel the all-so-familiar weight of vulnerability, me the weak one. Indie is always so strong, so reliable. The car ride home is filled with a peculiar silence. My thoughts are a mix of emotions, memories of the attack flashing before my eyes like a haunting slideshow. The city outside the window seems to move in slow motion. I’m just so glad to be out of that morbid place.
From the corner of my eye, I see Roman reach out and take Indie’s hand in his. Indie doesn’t react, doesn’t pull her hand away in disgust. She just continues to look out her window as though it was nothing. When did this happen?
I watch as she slowly turns her head to him and offers him the softest of smiles. A smile that had always been reserved for me. I don't know how I feel about it, to be honest. I had my suspicions that something may have been going on between them when Roman spent so much time at the hospital. I’d first thought it was weird that her boss kept coming to check on me, but as I observed the way they looked at one another, I knew it was more. At first, I thought I had imagined it, the painkillers I was given were pretty damn strong, but the increasingly conscious I became, the more I saw the connection between them.
Part of me wants to be happy for Indie. She’s given up so much for me, sacrificed relationships and her career for me. It feels kind of strange but also good to see her like this. She has a different presence around her, despite my hospital stay and her obvious concern for me. She seems calmer, more peaceful, almost content. Even a blind man could see over the last three months, she’s gained weight and no longer looks so fragile she’d break in half. She has color back in her skin, and a confidence about her that was never there before. Before him.
I look at Roman. He is fucking intimidating. Rich, powerful big wig lawyer, and a bit of an ass. Certainly not the type I’d ever thought my sister would go for, but I’d be lying if I said, he hasn’t made our lives better. I just hope she realizes what she’s getting herself, us, into. If he has friends like Moretti, then he’s sketchy by association alone.
I don't know whether to thank Roman or curse him. Indie deserves a better man than he is. I feel even in this happiness she feels right now with him, pain will follow regardless. Initially, I’d thought she’d developed feelings for him, like some kind of Stockholm syndrome type thing, she’d fallen for the man that doomed her to begin with. However, as I witnessed over the last few weeks, I can see it’s so much more, and that scares the shit out of me. Not that I’m worried about what that means for me; I think Indie has more than proven her loyalties in that regard. I’m concerned that her heart has taken too many blows. She’s been strong and brave for too long, and he might just be the one thing that breaks her.
Guilt eats into me like a flesh-eating monster as I look back at my sister. I have been horrible to her over the last few years. I have just been so fucking angry all the time. Angry at her because I am a burden, angry at my parents for making me her burden, and angry with myself for not making myself less of one.
I owe Indie so much, and yet I treated her so badly. I took for granted everything she sacrificed for me. I felt so out of control, so ashamed of our situation, that instead of helping her, I rebelled and made our situation so much worse. I could see she was slowly killing herself to keep a roof over our heads. I chose to ignore it because I was too wrapped up in my own grief, and my own struggles, I couldn’t handle hers as well. There would not be enough apologies in the world to make up for what I’ve put her through, and so far, I have never offered her one, not a sincere one anyway. Yet, here she is once again by my side, shovelling me out of the shit hole I dug for myself. She’s never once turned her back on me. I have to be better. I have to do better for her. For myself.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Indie
I’VE ONLY BEEN BACK at my apartment for three days. It's been bittersweet. Sweet because Austin is home and continuing his recovery. He just needs to take things easy for the next few weeks, but overall, he’s doing remarkably well, considering. Every time I look at him, I’m so thankful he’s still with me. The bitter part is not seeing Roman. Not sleeping beside him at night and feeling his warmth around me has been a new adjustment.
Roman has had a busy week, wrapping up a case in court, so he probably wouldn’t have had much time to see me anyway. That does not stop the longing, though. That does not stop the aching, the yearning I have in my heart for him. I didn’t realize how badly I’d fallen until my first night back home. I felt so lost. I felt like a part of me was missing. Him.
Pharrell pulls up at the Judge & Sons office building, and I make my way inside. I’m eager to get started on the artwork commissioning. In truth, I am so excited, I’m bursting out of my skin. I left Austin at home with the nurse that Roman insisted on us having, promising I would only be a few hours at the most. He, of course, said he was fine and would just be sleeping anyway, but I still feel a tug of guilt for it. I push my conscience down, reminding myself it's been a month that I have not worked, despite being paid anyway. I want to start earning it. That, and I’m so excited to get a start on the art project that the anticipation was keeping me up at night.
I finish taking inventory of all the artwork on the third and fourth levels when I receive a text from Roman.
Roman: Hey, sweetheart, how is your day going? How is Austin? I miss you. Heart emoji
My skin bubbles with delight as I read his message. I once used to scold him for calling me that endearment, and now I melt every time he uses it.
Indie: Hey yourself. My day is going great. Actually, fantastic! I’m at the firm now, doing some inventory on the artworks and then plan to head home and make a start on image ideas. Thank you again for this opportunity. You don’t know how much this means to me.
Roman: Oh, baby, I’m sure you can show me just how much it means to you. Wink emoji. Meet me in my office in fifteen minutes. I’m heading back from the courthouse as we text. Heart emoji- eggplant emoji – laughing emoji.
I laugh out loud, and the lady at the desk behind me gives me the side eye, so I cover my mouth with my hand.
Indie: Oh, I will show you. However, you just might need to clear your schedule for the rest of the day. Xoxo
The moment I walk through those glass doors, I smile. Memories, so many memories from not that long ago dance in my mind. I laugh to myself, thinking of all the fights Roman and I had here. The stolen glances, the heated discussions. It’s ironic that what once irritated me to no end, amuses me now. Perhaps, we were inevitable from the start. All those moments lead us to where we are now. I had to first accept all the bad of Roman, to get to the good of him.
“Can I help you?” A voice from behind my desk calls to me. Well, I guess it’s not my desk anymore.
“Hi, I’m Indie. Roman’s...” I stop myself. Roman’s what exactly. We still have not established or labelled that. “Um, well.”
“Oh, you’re Indie. Roman’s assistant,” she finishes for me. “Boy, have I had big shoes to fill.” She smiles. I take in her appearance and feel a pang of jealousy. She’s young, pretty, and has a smile that reaches her eyes. They are kind eyes. She looks innocent and sweet. How the hell does she put up with Roman without resorting to tears every day? I know that man can be scary as hell to work for.
“Nice to meet you...” I say, again not finishing my sentence. I realize I don’t know her name.
“It’s Leah,” she once more answers for me. God, she must think I’m a complete idiot.
“I have a meeting with Roman.” I look at the time on the wall clock. “In like five minutes.”
“No problem,” she says as the phone starts to ring. “Well, you know where his office is.” She smiles again before turning her attention to the phone.
As soon as I walk through the threshold of Roman’s office, I smell his scent. I’ve missed that smell. These have been the longest three days of my life. I take a seat on the sofa, all of a sudden feeling awkward. Should I surprise him naked on his desk? God, no! What if Leah walks in? I tap nervously on the hand rest, stand, and then sit again. Why the hell is my heart racing? Deciding to distract myself, I start reading through my inventory and taking notes. My pen runs out of ink, so I walk over to Roman’s desk and open the drawer, looking for a pen, but my eyes focus solely on the invitation sitting on top.
