AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She knew he was saying it tongue in cheek, but it was damned cute.
“And how do I smell?” she challenged when she deciphered that’s what he wanted. Pixie wasn’t going to tell him thathewas redolent of the woods; specifically, the sassafras trees she loved so much in her parents’ backyard.
“You might not be flattered,” he dodged sheepishly.
“Try me.”
“Okay. You smell like…elementary school.”
Pixie blinked. “Sour milk and dirty sneakers?”
He laughed again. “Nope. The good stuff. Pencil erasers, chalkboards, colored markers. Kindergarten kind of stuff.”
Pixie beamed, hearing that. Knowing she dredged up good memories of the years when his father was alive, made her heart lighter. And the pheromone thing she had going which called to him? The one that put her at odds with his customary dislike of women? It explained his hot and cold behavior, succinctly. When he was with her, smelling her, he liked her. When they were apart and she wasn’t in his nose? He was able to forget about her.
Pixie gave an internal sigh.
She needed to unravel where his mind drifted to when he wasn’t sniffing her in the air, and she’d have to get to the bottomof his previous, “toxic” comment. Why did he think he’d be bad for her? She had to be gentle, pulling the information from him slowly so he wouldn’t spook.
Pixie began tentatively. “So… Do you fear that because your mother wasn’t a nurturer, you might be susceptible to bringing her…uncaring thing into a…relationship?”
Damn. Relationship? Really? She immediately chastised herself for using the “r” word. But it was too late to take it back.
Doug indeed looked pained at her declaration. She felt bad and back-tracked.
“Never mind. Forget I said anything,” Pixie hurried to say. “It’s really none of my business. Especially now. You’ve already pulled the plug on whatever I thought we might have had going.”
With the balance of his food, untouched, Doug sat back and drew in a deep, shuddering breath. Was he about to hit her with some more honesty?
“It’s not that Iwantedto cut things off,” he began. “There’s…more to my past than what I’ve told you, Pix,” he finally admitted. “Let’s just say that if my mother had simply ignored me, it would have been a helluva lot better than what actually happened. That’s…all I feel free to say right now.”
His face hardened, and Pixie knew Doug was close to shutting down.
Her mind flew all over the place. There were so many minefields he might have had to navigate with his mother. Had Doug’s situation been domestic abuse? Munchausen by Proxy? Sexual deviance? The list in Pixie’s head went on and on. She’d seen so much in her years of teaching, nothing was off the table.
One thing, however, was very clear. Whatever had happened, it had gone on for four formative adolescent years of Doug’s life, and had probably screwed with him in some awful and irreparable ways. It was good he was in therapy, but how could she help him, too, as he navigated the real world as an adult?How could she be part of his life, as a friend or anything else, without him thinking she’d turn on him?
First, she’d give him an out. “Have you decided what you’re going to do about not being able to stay away from me?” Pixie asked curiously. She didn’twanthim retreating again, but she couldn’t make this all about her. “Have you talked to your therapist about your conflicted feelings where I’m concerned?”
Doug huffed, coming out of whatever quiet place he retreated to. “No. I haven’t. Which is strange, because Will—that’s what I call him now, since we’ve become friends—is usually able to pull most everything out of me, even stuff that’s difficult.”
“What do you think that means, that you haven’t divulged our few dates?” Pixie prodded delicately.
“It means I wanted to keep the reality of you to myself. Probably because…”
And…gone.
Pixie recognized the blankness on Doug’s face, and knew he’d vanished.
There was no reason for her to keep talking. At least until he snapped back to awareness. She wondered what went on behind those shuttered eyes? Was it a coping mechanism to tamp down pain? Anger? Or was it simply the way he analyzed things and made sense of the situations in which he found himself. If he allowed her into his life, maybe she could ask him those questions. But for now, she’d wait him out and hope whatever he was dissecting, came out positive where she was concerned.
The food on the table no longer of interest, Pixie played around in her beans with her fork, building a mountain that looked suspiciously like the one in the alien movie with Richard Dreyfuss where he’d played with his mashed potatoes. Which stuck her as ironic. She wasn’t the one in a trance. Doug was.
Minutes later, Doug popped back to reality. “Shit, Pixie. I’m sorry. All this has gotten me pretty confused, so I kind of…disappeared. But here’s the bottom line as I see it.”
So hehadcome to some kind of conclusion by spacing out.
“I like you. I find you easy to be around, and you don’t seem to mind when I…” He waved a vague hand at his head.
