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“It was. Once my aunt and uncle got wind of how I was being treated by some of those so-called ‘experts’ who were representing me—and the people with whom I was temporarily being fostered—they brought in MECASA to handle my case. Everything had to be done exactly right in order for the Ildavorg’s to get custody of me, and MECASA handled the paperwork perfectly.”
“Thank God.” Pixie shivered.
“Exactly.”
Doug regrouped. He’d gotten through the worst of it, but there were still a few things he needed to tell Pixie.
“Mr. Jenkins, along with Uncle Frank and Aunt Suze saved my life. But they couldn’t undo all the damage that had been caused to my adolescent psyche. I got lucky, though. After faking it for the next few years by making myself mostly absent from my uncle’s house, I went off to college putting on the same front. But shortly after graduation I started work for the OPD under my uncle.
“It didn’t take long for Uncle Frank to notice I was…off, since we saw each other for prolonged periods every day. He quickly ascertained that I had no friends besides his son, Dieter, and my best buddy whom I met at college, Cisco. It also quickly became apparent to him that I neverassociated with any women.Ever.Not fellow officers, not my other cousins who lived nearby, noteven my aunt, whom I love dearly. Uncle Frank understood I needed help, and gave me an ultimatum. Go into therapy or lose my job.”
“And that was a no-brainer,” Pixie stated with certainty.
“It was. After a few false starts, I found Dr. William Verosha. We clicked immediately, and I’ve been seeing him ever since. Over the years, Will has become a very good friend, as well as my therapist.”
“And he’s helped,” Pixie affirmed.
“Mostly.” Doug huffed. He verbalized his previous thoughts out loud. “Hedidmanage to make me see that none of it was my fault. The guilt and shame I carried for so long are no longer burdens to my soul.” It was time for his final, fucked-up confession. “But, I, um, already told you I don’t date.”
Pixie nodded, giving his hand another squeeze.
“What I haven’t told you, is…”
Just spit it out, Doug.
“I’ve…never had sex as an adult.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
The logical part of Pixie was shocked, but another part, down deep, had known there was something like this that had happened to Doug, and she almost cried out at the injustice of it all. But that’s not what Doug needed from her. He needed reassurance. She had to gather her thoughts, quickly, lest Doug think she was recoiling from what he’d revealed. Especially since nothing could be further from the truth.
“It’s okay, Doug. Really. I already told you in not so many words that I haven’t had sex in sixteen years. And to be very honest with you, I haven’t missed it,” she declared resolutely. “Which means if you want to see how things progress with us—with dating—I can tell you right now that sex and all the stuff that goes with it aren’t something you need to worry about with me.”
She wouldn’t bring up the fact that she loved Doug’s touch…loved him, if she were being really honest…and was coming to crave those rare instances when he unconsciously took her hand or brushed against her skin. Hell, he’d even given her a spontaneous hug meant for comfort, but it had set something visceral inside her free, and she wanted more. Then there was…yup…his arms around her as he’d carried her from the water.She swallowed down her butterflies. A huge part of her had wanted to taste Doug’s kiss as she’d clung to him, but the possibility of having that wish fulfilled had been non-existent, so she’d better act cool and suck it up.
Pixie expected relief from Doug at her declaration of no sex, but what she saw instead was his scowl as he shook his head.
“I don’t… I’m not…” He huffed. “Pixie. I’m so conflicted,” he finally admitted, and she could see the conversation was moving far away from anything he’d been comfortable talking about in a long time, if ever. “I’ve been having…thoughts about you, and they’re not all platonic. When I hugged you earlier today, I liked it,” he rasped. “I liked being the one you turned to for comfort. It felt good that you trusted me. And right now, seeing you sitting here, in my shirt… It makes me go all… Shit. I don’t know. Caveman inside?”
Pixie’s lips twitched. She couldn’t help it. “Caveman?” she questioned impishly.
Doug let out a self-deprecating snort, knowing he was being teased. “Yeah. Well. I guess that’s what it is. Because I’m out of my depth, here. I…like you in my clothes.” His chest rose and fell rapidly, making her want to lay her head against his warm skin.
Notwhat he was looking for.
“Trying to analyze it, I’m definitely feeling protective of you, Pixie,” he continued, unaware of her inappropriate thoughts. “And being able to provide for you, whether it’s taking assholes out of your life, or giving you my shirt so you’ll be warm? It…it fulfills something inside me I didn’t know was missing.”
And how sweet was that?
Pixie weighed her next words, praising him without putting him on the spot. “I’d think that your job, uh,jobswould go a long way toward accomplishing that missing piece of your puzzle. Especially your work for MECASA. It wasn’t lost on me how caring you were of Jason’s situation.”
“I was, and you’re right. Partially,” Doug acknowledged, sending a hand forward only to pull it back before taking a huge breath, then…daring to reach for her cold fingers again, this time wrapping around them with his strong grasp. “What I do is rewarding. Gratifying. But that’s work. With you, there’s something deeper going on. Something that hits at the core of who I’ve felt like I could be for a long time.”
Pixie didn’t bother to hide her smile, which felt as if it rose from her lips like sunshine itself. “I’m not going to lie. I really like hearing that, Doug. I’ve never been…special to someone before. Not as a woman, at least,” she clarified. “ThegirlI used to be thought Skeeter’s dickishness was a form of fond regard, but that turned out to be a huge joke. My friend Julie and I are close, but like besties. And of course, my parents and my sister love me, but that’s a given, because, well, they’re family.”
Shit.Why had she said that? It was hella insensitive.Lotushad been Doug’s family, and she was a fucked-up bitch who clearly didn’t know how to love. Pixie wanted to slap a hand over her mouth, but her working one was currently being held by Doug, who, surprisingly, didn’t even flinch at her words.
She rushed out an apology anyway. “I didn’t mean… I’m so sorry, Doug. What I said was—”
