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“And…it’s legal?” Pixie asked. She still wasn’t quite sure about the idea of psychedelics, but was itching to do her own research. It sounded…experimental. Still, she certainly didn’t want to poo-poo anything that might help Doug move on.
“It’s…iffy,” Doug told her with a chuckle. “It’s not quite legal, but it’s not something that anyone is prosecuting, either. And for that reason, just to keep everything on the up and up before I agree to try it, I’m going to speak to my uncle and get his take.”
“Right.” Pixie worried her lower lip. “Because you can’t have it interfering with your work. And…I’m assuming you have to undergo random drug testing at your PD, so it might end up screwing you over?”
“Idohave to test,” he told her. “But from all the research I’ve done since Will told me about it, I learned that the five and ten panel drug screening tests that are the industry standard, don’t check for psychedelics. If you are, for some reason, tested specifically for them, the traces are all out of the blood stream within twelve hours, the saliva after twenty-four, and the urine after forty-eight. The only place it can be detected for a longer period of time is in hair, and that can take up to ninety days to clear.”
“Huh,” Pixie marveled. “It looks like you’ve done your homework.” She gazed at him alertly. “So, does that mean you’ve already decided to try it?”
“I’m about ninety-percent there. What do you think?” he asked.
Pixie needed to tread softly, but hewasasking her opinion. “I, um, wonder what it is you think it will do for you?”
Doug looked away, focusing now on a spot over her head, deep into the trees. “Well, you sort of know the answer to that. But specifically… I hope it will take away all the negative feelings I have around women and sex,” he spit out.
Well.That was about as honest as he could get.
“Not to say you don’t need that healing, but youareholding my hand right now, Doug,” Pixie pointed out. “And this isn’t the first time.”
“Habituation,” Doug immediately replied. “The first time I touched you, I hate to say that my skin crawled. But you know it wasn’t you,” he quickly added.
Pixie nodded, not taking offense.
“But each time I’ve done it after that, it’s gotten easier.” He drew in a sharp breath. “Hugging, however…”
“I know,” Pixie commiserated. “You did it in the heat of the moment back in the conference room when I needed comforting, but that was an anomaly. And you carried me out of the lake, but it was a need-based action. Then…” Should she go there? Pixie dared. “You almost did it again after I put on your shirt, because…” She trailed off.
Whyhadhe almost gone in for a hug, then?
“Because, seriously, Pixie?” He raised one brow and a snarky look passed over his features. “Hell, woman. You’re wearing my clothes.”
“Ah. I get it,” she giggled. “Cave-man stuff.” She gave the call-back easily. But her sudden joy faded as rapidly as it appeared. “You, um, weren’t able to do it, though. Hug me, I mean. And as much as I would have liked it, I want you to know, seriously, that it’s okay,” she told him.
Letting him off the hook was one of the easiest concessions she’d ever made. Because Pixie really, really cared for Doug, and didn’t want him to do something, anything, that would send him into a downward spiral.
Doug ran his free hand through his hair, making it stand slightly on end. “I get where you’re coming from, Pixie, because you have a heart the size of the moon. And I appreciate your sensitivity. But if not being hugged is okay for you for now, what about a month from now? Or a year? If we’re dating exclusively, I’d have to have that assurance from you all the freaking time in order not to lose my mind. I’d constantly fear you’d get tired of a boyfriend who couldn’t do anything physical.”
He held up a hand just as she was about to state her position more firmly.
“No. I’m notjusttalking about sex, which I suppose you could forgive the lack of for a long time since it has negative connotations from your past as well as mine. What I’m talking about is normal shit like throwing my arm over your shoulders, sitting close at a movie, or…kissing you, Pixie.” He lowered his chin and stared directly at her. “Can you honestly tell me you won’t miss kissing?”
“I…” Pixie pondered. Since Doug was being so straightforward, she wanted to give him an honest answer in reply. She hoped it didn’t scare him. “For your information, I haven’t kissed anyone, romantically, since Skeeter. And it hasn’t bothered me at all. But since you entered my life…”Dammit, get it all out there, Pixie.“Ihavethought about what your lips would feel like on mine.”
She couldn’t help herself. She stared at the lips in question. Her breathing sped up and her nipples tightened.
Doug obviously saw the protrusions as his gaze swept downward, then he looked up and held still for a few seconds before dropping his head again with a groan.
His voice was gravel. “Andthisis why I need to see if there’s anything to what Will proposes. Because part of me wants to take care of that hungry look in your eyes, while another part of me wants to throw up.”
Pixie somehow managed a laugh. “Not something a girl wants to hear.”
Doug groaned again, this time pulling away from her and turning to face the water. Which was a shame because Pixie had spent the last few minutes fascinated with how his chest had been rising and falling just a few inches from her face. Doug was a glorious man. His skin was bronzed, as if he spent time outside without his shirt, and she wondered how soft the smattering of hair across his pecs would feel against her cheek, her lips…
Stop!Enough of that. Doug needed her encouragement not her lust.
“How did you leave things with Will, mushroom-wise?” she asked, hoping he was still willing to discuss it.
“I told him I’d talk to you about it,” Doug replied without turning.
