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When I pushed open the door of the coffee bar, a blast of heat and the rich scent of freshly ground coffee wrapped around me like a comforting blanket. Hushed conversations, light laughter, and the clickety-clack of keyboards created a relaxed, inviting atmosphere.
A sweep of the room revealed Jay sitting in a corner by the window, playing with the handle of his coffee cup, his gaze lost somewhere beyond. I joined the short line and waited my turn. When I was at the counter, I ordered a mystic mocha, which the barista explained had dark chocolate and a hint of chili. They gave me a free oatmeal cookie that was bigger than the size of my palm because they had just opened two weeks ago and it was my first time.
I took my prize with me to the table. Jay looked up, but his expression was closed off, so I couldn’t determine what was going through his mind. The coldness in his gaze almost had me running for the hills. I never thought someday Jay would look like a stranger to me. His expression was way more serious than he usually was. My carefree, happy-go-lucky friend seemed to be gone.
“Hey,” I said awkwardly. Before, I would have sat without hesitation, but I no longer knew where I stood with him.
“Hey.” He swallowed. “Sit.”
I did, and the chair scraped on the floor when I pulled it to the table. Heat flooded my face at the curious glances the other patrons shot at me.
“Thanks. How… are you?”
He’d never responded to my calls or text messages before today. I’d been worried sick about him, but I didn’t voice my thoughts. He had to take the lead this time and write the narrative. Listening wasn’t a lost art. I could do it no matter how much I wanted to spill my guts and beg his forgiveness again.
“Good.” He chuckled. “Actually, the past few weeks have kinda sucked. I miss my best friend.”
Cinnamon roll. Don’t you dare tear up, Scottie. Don’t tear up.
“I miss you too,” I said.
“Are you sure? You have him now. What do you need me for?”
I gaped at him. Did he think because I was in love with Griff, I no longer needed him?
“Jay, please don’t tell me you believe that.”
“Am I wrong? You chose him over me. You’ve known me for how many years now, and you chose him?”
“It’s not that simple. It’s not so much that I chose Griff but that I chose love. And maybe I did so because I felt my best friend would want to know I met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and not ask me to choose.”
Jay clenched his hands into fists on the table, then relaxed them. “I didn’t ask you here to argue.”
“Believe me, I don’t want to argue either.”
“But I have to say that what you did hurt. We’ve always had each other’s backs, and this was the last thing I expected of you. But I’ve given it some thought…”
I took a sip of my coffee.
“I want my best friend back. I don’t want us to let him ruin what we have. We’ve been friends for years, but, Scott, you gotta stop keeping the big things from me. You did it too when you were seeing David. The guy could have killed you, and I would never have known he was hitting you until it was too late.”
“You mean, you forgive me?” I carefully rested the coffee cup with two hands on the table.
“Yeah. You can move back in if you want.”
“Oh.” Nutcracker. How was I supposed to explain to him I loved living with Griff and didn’t want to go back to Jay’s?
“I see,” he said.
“Jay.” I reached across the table and grabbed his hand. “Thank you for forgiving me. It means a lot to me that you’re giving me another chance to be a better friend.”
“But you won’t move back in. I hate this. Everything’s changing.”
“That’s life, Jay.”
“No, it’s him. Fucking up everything again. If he weren’t in the picture, you would still be home where you belong.”
Beneath his words, I heard the ones he didn’t say. My heart ached for him. He’d lived life irresponsibly for so long that the thought of being on his own scared him. In truth, I’d grounded him as much as he had me over the years.
