AllFreeNovel
Share Us
There is no furniture, but everything else looks exactly the same. I watch her as she makes her way around. She runs her hand along the counter tops and then goes to look out of the windows in the back. She pokes her head in all three doors before I say, “This was your room.”
She walks inside and I follow her in. It is weird to see it empty. We shared so many firsts in this room, it truly felt like a sacred space. She stands in the middle of the room and slowly spins in a circle, her face pinched in concentration. I watch her, waiting for her to say something.
“What are you thinking?” I ask finally. She turns to face me. Her hair is pretty windblown, some crazy tendrils framing her face and the rest tucked into a ponytail.
“I just wish I could remember it all,” She says before she starts crying softly, tears spilling over her cheeks. She wraps her arms around her middle as if to hold herself together. I walk over to her without thinking but stop just as I get a foot away from her. I hesitate, not sure if she wants any contact from me.
“I know. I wish that too,” I admit. “I wish that more than anything.”
She looks up at me, surprised by my candor. Her expression is so sad, but she keeps staring into my eyes. “Would you…hug me?” She asks so quietly I’m not sure I hear her correctly at first.
My mouth opens in surprise, but I quickly close it. “Of course.” I step closer, very slowly, giving her a chance to change her mind if she wants to. I carefully put my arms around her and tug her close to me. She keeps her hands clasped against her chest but allows me to hold her tight. She silently cries as we stand there together.
Every inch of contact between us feels like fireworks in my chest. I very slowly start to rub my hand up and down her back. She is pretty bundled up, but I hope she still feels some comfort.
After a while, I feel her trying to move her hands away from her chest, so I quickly step back and look down into her eyes. She drops her hands to her sides and holds my stare. Then she steps closer to me and wraps her arms around my waist, silently asking for me to keep holding her. I quickly and joyfully oblige. We stand there for what feels like hours, but it is probably only a few minutes. Eventually we sit on the floor against the wall. It was where we would be if her bed had still been here. There are only a few inches between us.
“Can you tell me more?” She asks and my heart soars.
“Absolutely,” I sigh in relief. “What do you want to know?”
“I’m not sure what to even ask about,” She answers, leaning her head back. She stretches her legs out and crosses one over the other, mirroring how I am sitting.
“The first time I ever came to your apartment was the day after the gas station,” I start. She turns her head, her green eyes intently focused on me. “I told you before that you sought me out and we talked in the courtyard on that bench. I felt so terrible with myself and how I couldn’t talk to you. But when we were in that gas station, I knew how stupid I had been to waste all of that time that could’ve been spent with you…getting to know you.”
I look at her now, and continue, “So I went straight to your apartment, and I waited hours for you to come home.” She raises her eyebrows. “I know, creeper status.”
“It’s kind of romantic,” She comments. That makes me grin, triggering a memory.
“So, you eventually came home, and I tried to apologize. I felt like I was vomiting words, I just couldn’t say what I was thinking and feeling. You asked me to come inside, and I felt so much relief that you didn’t turn me away.” I take a breath. “That’s when I started to tell you about my story. More details came later at the diner. But it started here. In the living room.”
She looks at me seriously, taking in every word I am saying.
“Eventually, Lucas, the guy you were seeing, stopped by. He wasn’t happy…” I stop, not sure how to approach this.
“Oh no!” She gasps. “What happened?”
“You apologized, but admitted that you had feelings for me…he left…” I say looking away. “I tried to leave too because I felt so bad for ruining your relationship with him. I was sure that he was who you wanted to be with. It made sense, you and him. He was a clean cut pretty boy.” She smiles. “But…you stopped me from leaving and you told me to come back inside.” I look back at her, waiting for her reaction.
She ponders my words for a bit, looking at me with an expression I can’t exactly read. “Tell me more,” She finally says. I bite my lip to not smile so big.
We talk for a long time, well…I talk and she listens mostly. She looks at me most of the time, and if she isn’t looking at me she stares straight ahead, absorbing everything she’s hearing.
“I don’t want to overwhelm you,” I finally say.
“You’re not, truly. I would rather this than the silence…I can’t take the silence anymore,” She admits sadly, looking apologetic. “I thought that you were just a really quiet guy. It made sense, I mean…we didn’t really talk in high school.”
I laugh humorlessly before I groan. “All this time, I’ve been trying to give you space…not wanting to freak you out.”
She smiles at that. “Well, in your defense…you did try to talk to me in the beginning. I shut you down every time. I was really overwhelmed. But now…I’m just tired of not remembering.”
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“I know…me too.” She looks at me, and while there is still pity in her eyes, it is mixed with sadness and uncertainty. Her expression doesn’t give me the peace I’ve been needing.
We look at each other for a few minutes.
“Thank you for forcing me to come today,” She says.
