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“I said some really mean things…” She cries.
“I did too.”
“I wasn’t fair to you…I’ve been pushing you away…I wasn’t letting you fight for me,” She says, her voice shaking.
“I should have tried harder. I wasn’t being the man you loved. I wasn’t,” I confess and she shakes her head.
“No…I haven’t…you’ve been…” She starts crying again. Without giving myself time to overthink it, I pull her into my arms, and she lets me. She cries into my chest and I rub her back. Minutes pass before her cries become softer and her breathing becomes steadier.
“I’m sorry,” I say again into her hair. She slowly untangles herself from me and looks up at me.
“It feels kind of good to get all of that anger and tension out,” She admits with a sigh, wiping her face. I smile.
“You haven’t yelled at me like that since senior year of high school,” I chuckle.
“Hey! I remember that!” She says with a smile. Then she starts laughing through her tears, uncontrollably and hysterically. I eventually join her. We both laugh until our stomachs hurt and tears are streaming down our faces.
“Will you come back inside?” I ask finally. “You’re going to get sick out here.”
She nods and I feel like I can breathe again. She lets me help her up and carry her suitcase back inside. I put her suitcase next to the stairs and start towards the kitchen to make us a cup of coffee. She follows me and sits at the table waiting.
“I’m sorry I said that we were nothing,” She whispers. My chest tightens remembering those words and how they made me feel. Empty. Worthless. Hopeless.
“It’s okay.” I turn to her with a small smile.
“You’re right…there is a reason that I’ve stayed here with you. I didn’t know what it was at first. I thought I was just following the doctor’s orders to resume normal activities…but I think I knew that it’s still there…” She looks at me, a little nervously. “After today…learning more about you…about your story…about our story…”
My breathing hitches, waiting for her to go on. Her words are like a balm to my soul.
“I could see it…I could picture it…falling in love with you…” She whispers. I feel my eyes water. “Thank you for today…and as much as I do wish we could have had this day earlier…I know that this is when we needed to have it. We needed to have that fight and these conversations, now.”
I nod and hastily wipe my eyes. We both jump at the ‘ding’ of the coffee machine. I chuckle, before pouring coffee into two mugs. I put cream and sugar in hers and hand it to her.
“It’s kind of close to dinner time…do you want me to order pizza?” I ask her.
“Sure. Like the first time we hung out,” She smiles softly. I pause for a moment; how did she know that? Did she remember something?
I watch her, looking for any other signs of cognizance but she pays me no more attention, just sipping her coffee absentmindedly. I step away for a moment, using the excuse to order our food. After I order, I walk to the bathroom. Did she remember that?
I shake my head. I must have mentioned earlier today that we had pizza on the first night we hung out in her apartment. We talked about so many different topics and memories today. I take a few moments to pull myself together, splashing some cold water on my face and taking several deep breaths. After I feel somewhat put back together I head back to the living room where she is sitting on the couch on her phone. When she sees me walking towards her, she puts her phone down next to her and picks up the remote. She points it at the TV, turning it on.
“What do we normally watch together?” she asks.
“Mostly those sitcoms you like…sometimes we’ll do movie marathons, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Rocky, stuff like that. You make me watch The Bachelor with you, also,” I cringe and she giggles.
“I bet you like it,” She teases.
“It’s actually extremely entertaining,” I admit, wincing a little. “We mostly talk through them, laughing at the ridiculous drama.”
“That sounds fun.” She sighs.
“Last year you made me fill out a paper during the first episode of the season to guess who was going to make it to the end. You called it the Fantasy Bachelor Draft.” I side-eyed her.
“And you did it?” She asks, almost incredulously.
“You have a way of making me do anything you want me to do,” I joke.
“Oh yeah?” She smiles.
