AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I keep my eyes closed, letting a few tears fall before I open them again. “I know I’ll see you again, amor. I don’t know how, and I don’t know when. But I’ll cross rivers and roads to see you again.” I take a deep breath. Then I say with my voice breaking, “Rivers and roads,” I pause, choking on a sob, “’til I reach you.” I feel that breeze again, both cool and warm against my bare arms. I hear that song playing in my mind, that song that once filled me with such certainty and hope. “’Til I reach you, Hayden Albrecht.”
I reach into my pocket where I tucked the flash drive, and I pull it out. “I saved your ‘Ana’ playlist so I can listen to it all the time. But I wanted you to have it also.” I gently pull back the neat grass and dirt from the bottom of the headstone. I dig down against the stone several inches, not caring about the dirt getting under my fingernails, and tuck the music into it before carefully covering it back up.
“Being loved by you was the greatest privilege of my life. You changed me. You made me better. You made me believe in love. And I will spend the rest of my days honoring that love. I love you. I will always love you.” I lean forward, resting my forehead on the cool stone for a few moments.
I slowly stand and look down at his memory for a minute, only love and appreciation in my heart, before I turn around and walk towards my future.
EPILOGUE
After some of the worst few months of my life, the last thing I want to do is work at my family’s bakery and deal with people. But I needed to get out of my house and they needed the help here.
So I put on my brown apron with the ‘Valencia Bakery’ logo stamped in white across the chest and I get to work.
The hours pass quickly, and I find myself actually enjoying the company of strangers. After avoiding contact and conversations with people for so long, and locking myself away, it’s nice to be around people who don’t know why there is darkness behind my eyes. I even feel that darkness lightening the smallest amount.
It takes just enough brain power for me to interact with the customers, package up the foods and sweets while working the register so that I don’t have to think about the problems that are waiting for me back home.
I look up when I hear a small commotion, a young guy apologizing profusely and our oldest, most dedicated and annoying customer, Louisa, giving him a hard time. I guess he didn’t see her when he opened the door, which is believable because she barely reaches my chest and he seems to be around my same height.
He eventually makes his way to the counter, his icy and pale blonde hair is pulled back into one of those man-buns. I’m not always a fan of those but he’s really pulling it off. He has on a long sleeved black shirt and ripped black jeans.
“Can I please get some arroz como leche?” he asks confidently with a smile. I stifle a laugh and return his smile.
“Sure, man. But uhm, it’s arroz con leche,” I correct as politely as I can. I don’t want to embarrass him but I also don’t want him to keep saying it the wrong way because no one ever corrected him. I feel awful as he puffs out a sigh mixed with a groan and hangs his head in what seems like embarrassment.
“I even practiced several times in the car,” he says with a wince, his left eye squinting slightly.
“Hey, I give you credit for trying. Most people who don’t speak Spanish, just point until I can find the one they want,” I tell him as I pick up a container of arroz con leche and put it in the paper bag.
“Thanks for making me feel better, I appreciate it,” he says with a sigh. “If my girl was here, she would be laughing and making fun of me.”
I smile and let out a small laugh at that. “She sounds like a keeper,” I say conversationally, keeping up the small talk. I take his card and finish up his payment.
“Oh God, that’s for sure. She’s incredible. She’s not getting rid of me,” he says and I watch his face light up just at the small mention of this girl. I prepare for my heart to tighten as it normally does when I’m encountering someone else's happiness, but it never does. With one more glance at his eyes and the evident love they show, my heart actually feels lighter than it has in months.
I hand him his receipt and a pen. “Lucky man. Have a good night.”
He signs it and drops a couple of five dollar bills in the tip jar before I hand him his bag. “Thank you! You too, brother.”
I watch him leave and take a deep breath.
It used to hurt to see anyone even remotely happy when I’ve been struggling so much. I couldn’t even look at my parents’ happiness, my friends or anyone close to me. It’s gotten bad enough that my loved ones have started to avoid me, and that hurts more than anything else.
But as I watch this guy leave, I marvel at the lightness I feel in my chest, something that feels so foreign after the heavy weight I’ve kept a hold of for too long. It makes me look forward to the future again.
I can have that joy and love in my life again. I believe that. For the first time in months I let myself believe that. I let myself hope. I push down the fear that seems to creep in around me and warn me of the pain that is still lingering.
I’m tired of giving power to that pain. I want to pour into this hope instead.
I take a deep breath and find my head clearing slightly, seeming to hold on to this feeling just as much as my heart seems to be.
“David?” my aunt calls from the kitchen behind me. “Everything still going okay out there?”
“Yes, Tia,” I call back. “Everything is good.”
Or it will be again, soon I hope.
