AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“No. That’s not it. I came in here because I don’t want to lie to you. I know I’ve already screwed things up, but I don’t want to hurt you.” I rub my forehead for a moment, considering whether I should put my feelings out there this soon, but fuck it.
“I don’t want to pretend like I don’t know you and see the hurt on your face. I don’t want to leave town and pretend like I never knew you at all. I don’t want to pretend like your smile isn’t the only highlight of my day sometimes.”
“Jay…” She tries to interrupt, but I keep going, needing to purge everything.
“I know you said you can’t be in a relationship. Hell, I don’t even know how to be in one, so I’m not asking for that. But, I can’t keep lying to you. I want you in my real life, not my fake life… Your brother is the only family I have, but if you never want to see me again, I would understand. I’d walk away.”
She sits in silent contemplation for a few minutes, not saying anything. As the seconds tick by, my stomach sinks lower. This was probably a mistake. There’s no way she can accept that I’ve been lying to her since we met, but I’m glad it’s over. Almost over.
“I don’t understand. How is it that you’re so close to my brother, but I’ve never heard of you? I didn’t even realize my brother had friends…”
I snort at that comment, not surprised since Nathan can be the unfriendliest fucker alive sometimes.
“My name isn’t Jay,” I admit, watching her eyes widen slightly. She remains utterly silent though, so I continue.
“It’s Jesse. Special Sergeant Jesse Callahan.” There, it’s all out there.
She startles, shaking her head like she finally realizes for the first time how deep my lies go, and how much I’ve been faking. “Jesse… You’re Jesse,” she states simply, looking at me as if for the first time.
I let her look. I give her time to connect whatever dots that she needs to and to prepare for whatever questions she has. Questions that I can try my best to answer.
The relief is undeniable. Hearing my real name on her lips feels right… Like all the decisions up until this point, led me right to this moment.
I relax into the sofa, feeling the weight of anxiety lessen and the exhaustion creep back in. I know this isn’t over, she might hate me for dragging her into my lies, but for now, I can breathe easier.
“You’re the Jesse that helped Nathan get Callie back,” she states, already knowing the answer.
“Yeah. I am.”
Nathan’s fiance, Callie, was kidnapped this past year. I was able to find information on her whereabouts and pass it on to Nathan before she was sold into human trafficking. It was pretty traumatizing for both of them, but they’ve managed to get through it together.
“You bailed on Thanksgiving last year.” She states plainly. I was invited to Nathan’s cabin to meet Callie for the first time but at the last minute, I gave my leave up because someone else had a family emergency.
“I’m not accustomed to family gatherings.” True.
All she does is nod her head, distractedly.
“We can’t say anything to him about this. Not yet,” I remind her.
She turns her head abruptly as if she can’t stomach to look at me, but nods. I don’t know what to say to make her feel better, nothing seems good enough to fix this. There’s a few minutes of silence before she says anything.
“I’m having a hard time connecting the Jay that I know and the Jesse that I’ve heard Nathan talk about.” She clears her throat, sounding a little hoarse. “I guess I understand why you lied about your name, but I don’t like it. What else did you lie about? How can I not doubt every word you’ve ever said?”
“I promise that I never lied. Not about anything important. The logistics, yes, but everything else I kept as close to the truth as I could.”
“But… That first night at the bar. You only flirted with me because you were trying to keep your cover story safe, not because you liked me… I thought you liked me.” A tear rolls down her cheek although she tries to hide it behind the sleeve of her sweater.
“I did like you. I do. I meant what I said about wanting to be friends because if that’s all you ever want from me then I’ll take it, but I still think that you’re the most beautiful woman that I’ve ever met and it’s been killing me not to be near you these last few days. I don’t want to miss out on this, Thea,” I admit vulnerably, hoping that she can hear the truth in my voice.
She squeezes her eyes shut, wiping her face with the sleeves of her sweater and clearing her throat. “This…” She gestures between us. “This is a lie.”
“It’s not. Not all of it. What I feel when I’m around you is as real as it gets for me.” I plead with my eyes, hoping she sees my honesty. Needing her to see the real me.
“Thank you for telling me the truth. I need some time to think about things,” she chokes out, clearly dismissing me.
“Take all the time you need. I’ll be around, whenever you’re ready to talk. I’m not going anywhere,” I promise, realizing that this doesn’t have to be a stop on the road for me.
This time, walking out her front door doesn’t feel like I’m walking away from anything. It feels like I’m walking into a new version of my life. A version where I’ll do whatever it takes to earn Thea’s trust and forgiveness.
