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I love him. In big capital letters, underlined and in bold. I. Love. Ben.
And I’m so freaking happy, I can’t keep from smiling. At the supermarket, while I grinned at the man at the deli counter. When we went to trivia, and Ian, Grant, and Eloise all gave me big hugs and said how happy they were that their secret weapon was safe. I smiled like a loon at the delivery guy as he handed me a huge bouquet of flowers that Ben ordered to celebrate me moving in.
When we had dinner with Emily the other night, she noticed it, too. As we said goodbye, she pulled me in for a tight hug and said, “You look so happy, Thea. And you deserve it. You and Ben, both. And I’m just thrilled for you.”
I’m thrilled, too.
“Thea, you’re making that silly smile again.”
I glance quickly in the rearview mirror to see Laila in the backseat, peering back at me. She’s sitting in her car seat, which she’s not thrilled about, but Ben promised she could ride without it as soon as she turns eight.
Which is in two weeks, in case anyone forgot. Not likely, as she’s been mentioning it almost non-stop for the last month.
“She’s really excited that you’re helping with her party,” Ben explained last night after Laila went to bed. “I’ve tried, but all the things you’re doing—the theme, the costume, all the party favors—it makes it really special.”
“You did a great job with all her parties.” I’ve seen the photos. He had parties every year, complete with banners and balloons and giant themed cakes.
“I did okay. But now… I think she’s just so happy to have… I mean…” He paused, flushing, floundering for the right words. “All the other girls would have their moms at the birthday parties. And I know Laila was happy to have me there. But having you with her… it’s different.”
Oh. It’s like whenever I think my heart can’t get any fuller, something happens to prove me wrong.
“I am making that silly smile,” I agree, baring my teeth in a ridiculous grin.
Laila giggles. “You’re silly, Thea.”
Signaling right, I move into the drop-off lane, slowing to a stop behind the line of cars in front of me. Turning in my seat, I make a funny face at her. “I know.”
As the line of cars edges forward, Laila unbuckles her seat, something she insisted on being allowed to do the day before school started.
“I can’t have the kids see me being unbuckled like a baby,” she wheedled, giving Ben her biggest sad-puppy-dog eyes. “I’m in third grade now. Halfway through elementary.”
Ben agreed, but put strict conditions on it. Only when she’s in the school drop-off line, never when they’re actually driving.
Laila laughs, then her face sobers, her expression getting anxious. “You’re picking me up after school, right? We’re still going shopping? I told Bailey and Zaida I was having a girls’ shopping trip. We are, right?”
“Yes, we are. I’ll be here right at three. We’ll go shopping for baby Winnie, then go to the bookstore—”
“And get manicures. At the real nail place.”
“Yes.” I give her a non-silly smile. “I promised we’d go to celebrate the start of school. So we’ll get our nails done, then have dinner, and we’ll get something to bring home for your dad.”
She bounces in her seat. “I can’t wait!” After a second, she asks, “You’re going back to the library, right? Is it fixed yet?”
“Almost.” Which is another great thing. So many people donated their time to repairing all the smoke and water damage, the library should be ready to reopen in the next couple of weeks. Today is my first day back—I’ll be working with Reagan and Iris to catalog all the new books—getting them ready to be put away once the new shelves are installed.
I finally reach the front of the line, the doors of the elementary school in view. It’s kind of jarring. I walked through those doors so many times as a kid, and now I’m dropping Laila off here instead. It’s only my first time bringing her to school—Ben took her the first couple of days—but since I’m already going into work, and he has a virtual meeting with a new client, I offered to do it.
“Wait until I come to the door,” I remind Laila as I put the car in park. She waits agreeably while I come around to her door, hopping out with her backpack in hand.
I’m about to tell her to have a good day when she throws her arms around my waist, squeezing me hard. She peers up at me with her big hazel eyes. “I love you, Thea.”
Oh. OH. It’s all I can do not to start bawling right here, a line of impatient parents behind me. But I force it back through sheer will and hug her back instead. “I love you, too, Laila.”
Once I pull away from the school, a few stray tears slip out. But I keep it pretty well together all the way until I get to the library parking lot, when my phone rings. I answer it with a wobbling voice. “Ben?”
“Hey, sweetheart.” His voice is warm, a comforting blanket soothing me. “Are you okay? Did everything go alright with the drop-off?”
Sniffling, I ask, “I thought you had a meeting?”
