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This baby will be a daily reminder that Hendrick is the only man I’ve ever loved, and I can’t have him.
It will be a daily reminder that I, without a doubt, chose money over love.
I hate myself already. How am I going to explain any of this to anyone, let alone this baby? Turning away from the house, I walk down the street. I’m miles from home, but I don’t care right now.
I need to move.
I need to get away from this.
All of it.
So I walk. Quickly. I’m not sure how long I walk, but the sun completely sets, and I’m surrounded by darkness, but I don’t care. When my stomach grumbles, I decide to find something to eat, and that is also when I choose to look around my surroundings and take in where I actually am.
I’m not too far from home, which is surprising. And when I look down at my phone, I am equally shocked to see that I’ve been walking for three hours. No wonder I’m hungry… no, starving. I slip into a pizzeria and almost come from the smell that assaults me. I’m not really someone who eats pizza, but this is too damn good to pass up.
I order a medium Canadian bacon, pepperoni, and cheese pizza, then stand at the side of the counter and wait. I should have ordered a side salad or something, but I am seriously craving this. The longer I wait, the more I want to sit right here and eat every single bite instead of going home.
Maybe it’s because I am feeling lost. Maybe it’s because I’m starving. I don’t know, but that’s exactly what I do when the pizza is ready. I take the box and walk outside to the bistro seating, sink down on the metal chair, open my box, and reach for a hot slice.
After my first bite, I moan, and on my third slice, I realize that this is my life.
My entire life.
Eating alone.
Living alone.
Running my store alone.
Being alone.
This is who I am. It’s who I’ve always been. Even when I’ve been with a man, I’ve never been his girlfriend. I’ve always been his mistress, and the mistress sleeps alone at night.
And that’s just who I am.
How damn depressing.
Chapter
Fourteen
HENDRICK
When my father announces my marriage to Harlow at dinner, I can see the shock on my brothers’ faces. And then there is the hurt in Parker’s eyes. I fucking hate myself for this shit. But when my gaze flicks to my father, there is not an ounce of emotion on his face.
That doesn’t surprise me at all, but when my eyes shift over to my mother, I watch as she brings the glass of wine to her lips, her gaze quickly shifting from mine. I can tell when my mother feels guilty about something, and this is something she clearly feels guilty about. There is a moment of silence, and then Coleman stands, a glass in his hand.
“Congratulations to my little brother and his upcoming marriage,” he announces, lifting his glass.
Everyone else does the same, although the only person who does it with gusto is my father. The rest of my family seems a little less than thrilled by the concept. I don’t blame them. I know that Parker wanted me with Allison. Fuck, I wanted me with Allison. I still do.
We clink glasses, then go back to eating our dinner in silence. My mother clears her throat, breaking the awkward silence, her eyes meeting mine, and she dips her chin slightly before she speaks.
“I know it isn’t my place to say a word,” she begins.
Even if it’s not her place, my mother will always have a word to say. She stays silent for a moment, and we all stare at her, waiting for her to continue.
“But I’m just going to say that while I know this is how the family works, I think that this could be a mistake.”
