AllFreeNovel
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Sitting in the middle of the floor in my apartment, I look at everything spread out around me.
A contract, cash, a lease.
All the things I ever wanted, but all the things I would happily have given up for happiness. I didn’t mean anything I said. The money doesn’t mean that much to me. I had plans to make my shop a success on my own, without anyone’s help.
If I wanted a loan, I could have asked Parker. She tried to give me money more than once.
But I didn’t.
If I wanted to get money through blackmail, I would have asked the boss I was fucking for hush money.
But I didn’t.
I have had a lot of opportunities to get money, to get what I wanted from men, but I never acted on them. I’m an honest person. Even if I’m not always the most moral person in the world, I am honest. But now as I look at all these papers, all of this cash, it makes me feel sick. And not just pregnancy sick, really fucking sick.
Closing my eyes, I let out a heavy sigh before I reopen them. I need to take this and look at it as a boon. I have a baby to think about. A future that doesn’t look too bright without all this stuff in front of me.
But if I take this, what happens with Hendrick? If I don’t, what happens with Hendrick? Because right now, his future looks pretty set. Marrying the pretty blonde and having a bunch of babies with her while working for his family doing whatever it is they do.
That is his future.
And mine is here. Alone… well, alone with an infant.
God, how fucking bleak.
And yet, for the most part, it’s everything I ever wanted. Gathering the papers, I stack everything in a pile, the papers with the money on top. Then I stand to my feet and walk over to the kitchen.
I open the fridge, reach for a bottle of water, and unscrew the top, lifting it to my lips and sucking it down. I don’t know why I’m as thirsty as I am, but I can’t get enough. Leaning against the counter, I set the bottle of water down before I grip the edge. I look around and take in the little shop I have in my living room.
I love it here.
I sell more online than I do here in my home mainly because not many people want to walk up slightly old stairs in an apartment building. I don’t blame them. It’s a little creepy, especially in today’s world.
I press my lips together and roll them a few times as I look around. Getting a boutique is the endgame, the goal, but do I want it like this? Therein lies the real question. What is the fucking truth of it all, and how do I just take all these things and go on with my life?
I push off the counter and decide to go for a walk. I can’t stay here, stare, think, and feel nauseous. I need to move. Grabbing my phone, I shove it into my back pocket, then take my keys from the little gold glass bowl by the front door.
I walk out of the door and lock it behind me, then I head straight for the stairs, foregoing the elevator. Moving down the staircase, I am winded by the time I reach the bottom, and I laugh at myself.
I’m ridiculous. I should not be this winded at all from a few stairs, but I am. Making my way outside, I bite the inside of my cheek as I roll the skin a few times between my teeth, then release it. I don’t know where I’m going, and I decide to just let my feet carry me wherever they decide.
And my feet, they carry me to Hendrick’s place.
God, I am a glutton for punishment.
I inhale deeply and let it out in a single whoosh before I turn my back to his building. I don’t know where I’m going to go or why, but I can’t watch him any longer. I can’t follow him. I’m not hiding anymore, and he’s not looking for me, either.
Except when my feet move again, they take me to a corner where I stop and pull my phone out of my pocket to order an Uber. It doesn’t take even five minutes before the driver pulls up. Climbing into the back seat, I close my eyes as the driver takes me to the address I designated.
Half an hour later, we pull up to the house across the street from the Hamilton residence. It’s beautiful. It’s old-world and all Texas at the same time. The combination of brick and limestone with the black windows and accents is gorgeous. It’s everything I would choose for myself.
Slipping out of the Uber, I thank the driver and watch as he drives away, leaving me on the sidewalk facing the massive estate. Then my gaze scans the driveway, and I see all of the cars parked in a row.
It must be family dinner night. My heart sinks into my stomach. I hear a noise, almost like voices traveling, but I can’t make out the words. Flicking my gaze upward, I find Hendrick and Henry are both standing on the front balcony of the second, maybe third, story.
They are in an intense conversation with one another. They don’t even see me, or if they do, they don’t give a shit I’m here. Although, I have a feeling it’s the first thing because Henry would certainly care if I was standing in front of his house, watching him.
I don’t know if I will ever get over or past any of this, and as my stomach clenches, I press my hand to my belly and realize that I will never, not ever, get over or past any of it.
