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Cornering her, trying to force it out of her will do absolutely nothing. She’ll fight and claw her way out, not giving a fuck who she hurts in the process, and right now, I’m at the point where I feel as if there is enough hurt happening.
When dinner is finished, my brothers promise to be on call to follow and watch Samson. I have also decided to look into his son’s whereabouts. I’m itching to get back in my office, so I leave the table and jog toward my car.
My instincts are to head directly for Allison’s place, but I decide against it. I need to get to work, and I swore the last time was the last time. Pulling out of my spot, I make my way toward home. My mind is completely and totally focused on Allison as I weave in and out of traffic, then pull up to my parking garage.
Parking my car, my head down, I head straight for my condo and lock myself inside. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about food tonight, but I do grab a couple of energy drinks from the kitchen fridge and take them into my office. Opening one, I stick the other in the office fridge, then power on my computers.
On one of my computers, I run the video of Samson’s house while I was away, but there wasn’t much that went on. The others are live feeds. The women come home and start talking shit about other wives and daughters in the family.
This doesn’t surprise me at all.
My mother, as the director’s wife, stays away from most of the women’s groups, but there are certain cliques that have been formed among the women of the family. And they do not hold back when they’re talking shit about one another.
Something catches my eye after I’ve taken in the live feed and flick my attention back over to the earlier recording. It’s Samson’s son, Tait. I don’t know him very well. Just like he said, he’s not really on the radar… or at least he wasn’t until now.
He’s got his head tipped as he types something on his phone, then he looks up to the ceiling and lets out a heavy sigh before he shifts his attention toward his sister. He watches her for a long moment, shaking his head once.
This is the sister who Samson must have meant when he said he would send one in to be my father’s whore. It wouldn’t work, but it might be entertaining to watch from afar. He grunts, then leaves the room and heads out of the front door.
I have no idea where he’s going and can’t track anything about him, since I didn’t have him on my radar. Fuck, what an idiot I am. I should have done the whole fucking family. Not just Samson.
I wasn’t really thinking that anyone else would be part of this, and I know that type of thought is stupid as fuck since I should always expect the unexpected and should have planned for all of this.
But I was so focused on Allison I wasn’t in my right frame of mind. What a stupid fucking excuse. God, I fucked this all up big goddamn time.
ALLISON
Leaving Brenda’s office, I should feel like a million bucks, but I don’t. I feel like dirt. Like trashy dirt. This woman is beautiful and sweet, she’s kind, and she cares. I also know from talking with Parker that she’s hilarious and fun.
I climb into my car and start to drive home, but that’s the last place I want to be. Instead, I do something stupid, and I head straight for Hendrick’s. I shouldn’t be there. I should stay away. But I can’t. I don’t. I need to see him.
Pulling into the visitor spot in his parking garage, I sit in my car. My body is screaming at me to get out of the car and head straight for the elevator. I want it to carry me straight up to him. But I refrain. I stay in my car.
I’m not sure what I expect to happen, but it isn’t for Hendrick’s car to buzz right past me and head toward his spot. I should have checked to see if he was even here. He’s going to see my car and know I’m watching him.
Sinking down in my seat, I pinch my eyes closed and hold my breath as if that’s going to stop him from seeing my car, but it can’t hurt, right? I hear his shoes clicking against the concrete as he walks right past me. They don’t falter at all, and I hope that means he didn’t see me.
I sit up slightly, open my eyes, and watch him move straight for the elevator banks. He steps inside but doesn’t turn around, something he probably would have done if he knew it was my car sitting here in his visitor parking spot.
Well, he’s home, but that does nothing for me because I can’t see him inside of his condo. I don’t know how long I sit in my car, staring at the elevator banks, hoping he’ll make his way out. That he’ll step right out and give me a smile, tell me that this whole thing is bullshit, and tell me we’ll run away together.
It’s a great dream.
Fantastic even.
But when I realize he isn’t coming down, I start the engine and shift the car into Reverse. As I head home, I can’t help but think of him. I want to see him and feel his touch. I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t, but I do anyway.
Parking, I gather my bag and phone before I head straight up to my apartment. My empty apartment, the way it’s going to stay until this baby comes, and even then, it will just be the two of us. I think my dating days should be past me. It’s clear that I do not pick available men, at all, and when I choose someone to just have fun with, I end up falling madly in love with him.
Slipping inside, I lock the door behind me and look around the room. Thinking about coming home to just a baby, I realize that I don’t have space for a baby. Not even when I move all the merchandise out of the living room because this is a one-bedroom. Unless I put the baby in the living room, it won’t fit.
Nothing fits in my life.
Nothing.
A baby doesn’t fit. Hendrick doesn’t fit. And soon, Parker won’t fit either. I have nothing. Sinking down to my ass in the kitchen, I lean my head against the refrigerator and wonder again, what the fuck am I doing?
I should run again, except this time, I should leave this whole place. This state, maybe even this country. I should run away and never come back—never look back. I’ve ruined too much of my life, of myself, to stay here.
