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And as I attempt to convince myself of that, I climb into an Uber. I think about asking him to take me to the train station, maybe even the airport, but I decide against it. Instead, I ask him to take me to one of the cheapest hotels in town. Because cheap is about all I can afford, and honestly, I can’t even afford that.
HENDRICK
The man in front of me shakes his head, tears in his eyes. “I’ll do anything,” he whispers.
“Anything except pay back your debts?” I ask.
This isn’t normally what I would even do as my job, except I found the discrepancy, and my father is making me handle it.
I fucking hate it.
I would rather be behind my computer, doing whatever they want me to do there rather than this shit. If they wanted me to ruin this guy’s life digitally, I would be more than happy to do that instead of this.
“I’m trying,” he whimpers. “What do you want from me? You can have anything. Anything at all.”
There is a moment of silence as he stares at me, pleading for me to give him a fucking break. “My hands are tied,” I offer.
“What about my daughter? Rumor has it you’ll take a wife in exchange for debt? She’s nineteen.”
I’m not exactly sure what to say to that. I want to tell him no, but part of me also thinks it would be a great way out of this. Not just because I don’t want to deal with conflict, but also because it would be nice to have someone on the line, so my father doesn’t try to give me an envelope full of pictures and names.
Which I’m sure will be coming sooner rather than later. I think now that my brothers have settled down, he is anxious to see me do the same. Thirty used to be the magic number when it came to marriage, but I have a feeling he’s going to start in on me any minute.
But then there’s Allison.
She’s mine.
There’s nobody else for me but her and I fucking hate that I can’t keep her all to myself even though I vowed that I would. I fucking swore to myself that I would marry her. But I was lying to myself. She can’t ever have all of me. I could keep her if she accepted the fact that she would never have all of me.
But if I know Allison, she will never accept that.
And I would never expect her to, either.
“I’ll visit you in a month,” I say. “Have ten percent of what you owe me.”
Leaving him whimpering and crying like a fucking baby, I walk out of his office and head for my car. I climb into the driver’s seat, start the engine, and head straight for my mother’s office.
My brothers have one another when they go through shit, but I’m the baby. I didn’t grow up with them like they did with one another. But in true youngest baby fashion, I’m closest to my mother.
Allison is probably right. My mother is likely all the way inside of my head, and I don’t even realize it. Which makes me fucking laugh. Because I never would have even thought of that had she not mentioned it, let alone recognized it.
Pulling my car into her parking garage, I shift it into Park then climb out of the front seat and head toward the front door. I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do here. I’ve never felt this way before.
Torn.
I’ve never felt torn before.
And I feel like a pussy, too.
My brothers knew what they wanted, and they took it, seized it. I know what I want, but I can’t have it, not the way I want it. I cannot seize it. I fucking hate that shit, too. Because I’ve never, not in a million years, walked away from something I wanted in my entire life without taking it and keeping it for myself.
If I want something, I take it.
That’s just who I am, who I have always been.
That is what the family taught and trained me to be.
Which has gotten me in more trouble than I would ever like to admit. Sucking in a breath, I walk into my mother’s waiting room and sink down on the sofa to wait my turn. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I scroll through my messages.
