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“Right,” I agree, frowning because I’m confused now.
“Look, I’m not saying never. Okay? Just… not right now.”
“Not right now,” I say, nodding as if I understand. I totally don’t understand what we’re talking about anymore. All I can tell is Jesse doesn’t entirely mean the stuff he said that stung my heart. He’s confused. Confused might be good?
“We’ll just see how things go,” he says, still not making much more sense.
I nod. “I’m sorry I brought it all up. We’re good.” I inject as much carefree, cheerful vibes into my words as I can manage.
He glances at me, clearly wanting to say something else. But he closes his mouth and that jaw of his starts ticking again.
I roll my head back to rest on the chilly glass and wait till we arrive.
29
ANDI
WELL, SHIT.
I’m approaching the frozen harbor without a care in the world when I notice several very familiar faces. There’s mom, dad, my best friend since pre-k, Bree, and even Uncle Paul. Maybe that explains why my mom and dad were so willing to be understanding in their texts this morning. They never asked me where I was, but I’m guessing Jake has been getting grilled since the day I showed up here. Either they took an educated guess and figured I’d be with Jake, or he blabbed to my family and friends. I guess it doesn’t matter, now.
They must have already been here this morning when we were texting, which may explain why they seemed so ready to move on and forgive me. At least that means this is more likely a friendly ambush than a hostile one. I hope.
They’re all bundled up and waiting with the crowd. They stand out like sore thumbs, even among the tourists who are mulling around to see what’s going on.
Moms and dads are dropping off kids on the ice and my brother and his teammates are taking some while Mia and her figure skating friends are taking others. I notice Mia and her group are not-so-sneakily looking Nolan’s way more often than not as they talk.
“Um,” I say, turning to Jesse. He’s staring ahead with a kind of cold determination.
“I think we should leave it where we left it,” he says.
“No.” I’m feeling a little flustered by the surprise of my parents showing up out of nowhere, and I let some of the panic creep into my voice. I step in front of Jesse’s big body, stopping him before we get any closer and most likely noticed. “My parents are here. My best friend, Bree, is here. My Uncle Paul is even here.”
Jesse leans past me, then tilts his chin up when he thinks he has them spotted. “There?” he asks. “You told them where you were?”
“No,” I say. “But it also probably doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure it out. That, or Jake blabbed. So, what do we do?”
“What do you want to do?” he asks.
His calm is infectious. I take a slow breath, close my eyes, and actually think about his question. What do I want to do?
Ever since running from my wedding, I’ve been dreading the moment I’d have to face people from my life in person. I’ve texted and even hopped on short phone calls, but this feels different. Everybody has been giving me space when we talk, almost like they wanted me to have a chance to explain on my own time. But showing up in Frosty Harbor? That feels like a confrontation.
Jesse must see the panic in my face, because he reaches out and pulls me into a tight hug. I fight it for a split second, mostly because I’m imagining Jake or someone else noticing us. But then I think about how reluctant Jesse has been for people to see what’s going on between us. The fact that he’s willing to risk so much to calm my nerves right now means the whole world. For a few perfect moments, I forget everything and melt into the hug, pressing my face against the cool cotton of his black team hoodie.
“I don’t know what to say to them,” I admit.
“I’ve usually found the truth is simplest. It’s also the easiest to keep straight. Once you start telling lies, things get complicated and twisted pretty fast.”
I almost say something to that–something about how he’s the one insisting we keep our relationship a secret. Isn’t that kind of a lie? Then again, he has always been honest with me, even if he hasn’t always been open.
“I want to get it over with. I’m tired of things looming over me. A marriage I wasn’t sure about. Expectations. Now the disappointment I haven’t faced. I just want to get it all off my shoulders and live in the moment again.”
“Want me with you?” he asks.
I consider that. “No. Thank you, but no. This feels like one of those things I kind of need to face on my own.”
Jesse kisses the top of my head and it makes me feel warm all over. “Thank you,” I say.
