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Something passes over her face. A twitch, almost, like something jabbed her. “Yeah,” she says, looking at her feet again. “I’m thinking maybe I’ll leave the day after Christmas. His dad says he has a lot of pull with the bridal company, but it’s not unlimited. If I make them wait too long to do the interview, he can’t promise they’ll hold the job.”
“Right,” I say.
“Hey, fucker,” Carter calls. “You two going to play grab-ass all day up there, or are you going to help us?”
“Yeah,” Maddox says. “Your scary sister just yelled at us. We need Jesse down here to be the sacrificial lamb next time we screw up.”
Caroline whacks him with a strand of holly. “Try not screwing up in the first place.”
Maddox flinches away from her. “See?”
I sigh. I’m about to say something else to Andi–maybe apologize for the way I’ve been acting and admit I don’t know what I’m supposed to say about this job. If we wanted to stay together, though, there’s no real reason she couldn’t take the job and we could make things work. When the season started again, I could see her when time allowed between traveling for games. I could spend all offseason in New York. It wouldn’t be that difficult.
I could explain all of that, but I’m worried she’d feel suffocated. Maybe she’d disappear in the morning the way Sarah did because my words would smother her. I don’t know what the hell to do.
I open my mouth, then realize Andi is already walking away down the hill.
I run my hand through my hair in frustration and follow after her.
38
ANDI
It’s the night before the Frostival Finale and I am fully ready to admit I’m moping. I should be excited, because I’ve always loved this kind of thing. Holiday events. Social gatherings. The sense of community and knowing my new friends will all be there to enjoy it with me. Even my parents are still in town and nobody is upset with me over running away from my wedding.
It should all feel perfect, but the growing void between me and Jesse is spoiling everything.
Jesse has been avoiding me ever since our dinner date, and I can’t blame him. I know I’ve been distant. But I’m doing the right thing, aren’t I? Wouldn’t I be crazy to choose some guy who doesn’t even want commitment over a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity?
I hear Jesse, Carter, and Maddox’s voices coming from the garage, where the occasional clank of heavy objects tells me they’re working out. Liam has found some new girl he’s interested in, and is once again missing more often than he’s around. Nolan is on the couch, watching some kind of cooking show with his feet kicked up and a pack of ice on his shoulder. He apparently suffered a slight injury in his wrestling match with Maddox at the harbor yesterday. Mia is sitting beside him and checking on his shoulder when nobody's looking.
We’ve all had dinner already and I don’t really know what to do with myself. I briefly consider sitting with Nolan and Mia to watch the show, but I feel off. I don’t really want to wipe my gloomy mood all over everybody else. I grab a bottle of water and head for the door to the guest house. It’s odd to think my temporary home away from home will just be a memory in a few days. This cabin and the guest house have already started to feel so familiar, along with the bustle of the guys constantly being up to something around the house.
“Hey,” Jake says, stopping me by the back door. “Where are you headed?” He’s drying his hair with a towel and wearing a white shirt with black sweats.
I consider making something up, but decide on the sad truth. “Turning in early. I don’t really know what to do with myself, I guess.”
Jake gives me that older brother look I’ve come to know so well. His eyes turn into narrowed slits and his gaze darts across my face. It takes him about two seconds before his forehead creases with concern. “What’s going on? What did Jesse do?”
I laugh humorlessly through my nose. “Everything isn’t somebody’s fault, Jake. Sometimes… sometimes stuff just sucks. It’s fine.”
“If Jesse is what sucks, he’s going to hear about it from me. After I’m done hitting him.”
I shake my head. “Jesse didn’t do anything wrong. He told me exactly what to expect when we… started this. And he has fully delivered on his promise.”
“Andi,” Jake says carefully. “You’re speaking in female. You’ve got to dumb it down for me here.”
I grin. “I know this isn’t likely what you want to hear from your sister, but we agreed it would just be casual. You know… physical, mostly.”
Jake grimaces. “Gross, Andi.”
I laugh, feeling the first tinge of lightness in a while. It doesn’t last long, though. “You asked.”
“Okay, okay. So you agreed to be, what, friends with benefits or whatever? And now you’re all bummy. So what does that mean, you decided you wanted more and he doesn’t?”
I try to think of a reason to say his explanation doesn’t really do the situation justice, but I realize that’s sort of exactly it. I drop my shoulders and lift my palms. “I guess? Except there was a little moment there where I thought we agreed it was more than that. And then things went south so fast I don’t know if I just imagined that part. And now I’m realizing I can’t just do casual with him. I need everything or nothing, and I don’t think he’s ready to give me everything.”
“I’ll kill him.” Jake takes one step toward the garage and I reach out, grabbing his arm. “Easy, Cujo. Look, the thing is Landon showed up out of nowhere the other night. He said his dad has this dream job he can help me get with this place called Javier Bridal. I looked it up and they are huge. It would be such a big opportunity.”
