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"Be my guest." He pushed himself off the counter, meeting me in the middle of the room, walking past me like I was nothing important to him. If he wanted me to feel like shit, he did it perfectly.
"Why is it so hard for you to answer a simple question?" I asked, watching him as he stopped on the threshold. I noticed he took a deep breath before he slowly turned around to face me.
"Which question do you want me to answer?" he inquired in a low voice, making me shudder. He wasdistant and probably furious as well. But he was amazing in his performance, and I only saw a stoic mask on his handsome face.
"You know what I asked," I replied, looking into his eyes. He was great at hiding his feelings, but his eyes were betraying him. He was hurt and disappointed in me, and I didn’t even know why. What was behind all of this?
"And I gave you an answer. We'll talk about this later when we both calm down." He was staring down at me when I was trembling from all the feelings that were swirling in me. Sometimes, I was a very insecure person. My dad was an amazing man who always made sure I knew he loved me, but my mother was the exact opposite. She never missed the opportunity to remind me I was useless and terrible at everything, in her eyes. Even when I got my dream job at Thorn Enterprises, she only shrugged and said that I must have fucked someone. Who would be such an idiot to give me a job?
This, and everything else, was making me crazy sometimes, and when the man I cared for obviously didn’t feel the same for me, all I could do was hide in my shell and bark at him like a scared puppy.
"Okay," I whispered. Tears were brimming in my eyes, and I had a hard time pushing them back. He already saw me as a weak, desperate woman; he didn’t need to see more. I took off my new collar from my neck, gently putting it down on the counter. I didn’t find the strength in me to look at him as he stood in the same spot, and I stepped into the shower.
The moment I turned the knob and water touched my skin, I burst into tears. Hopelessness filled my whole body, and I hugged my torso, suppressing sobs. I thought he would never let me into his life completely, after this morning, I was sure of it.
38
Conversation
Bastian
Afteralongtimeof loneliness, with my head buried in my work, only going out with clients and potential investors, and drinking and smoking weed in my penthouse, I finally found an amazing woman to spend my life with. Yet, she demanded something I wasn’t sure if I was ready for. I thought about it every day since we were together, but it just wasn't the right time or the opportunity.
I wanted it to be special. I wanted her to understand how important she was to me.
In the last decade, I hadn’t kissed a woman. I’m not talking about my mother or aunt or about polite greeting pecks when everyone acts like they enjoy it. No. I hadn’t tasted a woman’s lips in quite some time.
I didn’t miss it. It was something I totally scratched from my playbook. I only had one-night stands, and I never slept with the same woman twice. It was my personal rule which allowed different submissive girls to walk past the door of my club. I always found a female willing to spend some quality time with me, and I never complained. Even when many of those encounters weren’t overly satisfying.
With Electra, it was perfect. She was intelligent, stunningly beautiful, kind, and understanding—absolutely amazing in every way. She was everything I ever wanted, and because of the promise I’d made to myself years ago, I could lose all of it.
I looked at the screen of my phone, checking the time. It was 9:05, and I still didn’t hear her shuffling behind my office door. She didn’t send me a text that she would be late, and cameras were out of service today because of some maintenance, so if I wanted to know if she was present, I had to go out and look for myself.
I stood from my chair, feeling like shit. I should have told her something before I left, or maybe I could have left her a nice note, reminding her that even when we argued, I still liked her. Sometimes, I acted like a total prick, forgetting about my biggest responsibility. Her.
I could be much better than this. But the coldness that enveloped my heart every time real feelings wanted to take over me felt impossible to fight. I was hurt before by someone I loved and cared for, by someone I trusted the most. It just wasn’t possible for me to jump mindlessly into something new without thinking.
Maybe I was overthinking everything, but this morning was horrible. I didn’t know how to handle her outburst. I wasn’t prepared for those questions. She took me completely by surprise, which was weird because I knew she would ask about it eventually. However, with her, I always forget about my troubles and worries. She was like a lighthouse in my darkness, guiding me into a place of happiness and calmness.
Shit. I screwed up and I screwed up big time!
I put my hand on the black knob, ignoring my phone ringing on the table, and precisely when I turned it, Electra burst through the door with so much force that she almost broke my nose. The wooden surface collided with my face hard, and for a moment, I couldn’t see anything. Stars danced in front of my eyes, and piercing pain found its way into my head. Instantly, I felt something thick flowing into my mouth, and when I licked my lips, I tasted blood. Well, I kind of deserved that.
"Oh, my God!" Electra screamed in shock, cupping my face, but I didn’t see her clearly. My vision was still blurred, and I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Not that I was crying, but the hit was pretty hard, and my nose took a great impact.
"I'm sorry, I’m so sorry," my princess mumbled over and over again, frantically touching me everywhere. The whole situation was very comical, and I would have probably laughed if my face wasn’t in pain and covered in blood.
“It’s okay, sweetheart.” I took her hands into mine, stopping her quick movements. “Just bring me some tissues, and I’ll be fine.”
“You’re bleeding,” she pointed out the obvious, and I sighed heavily, trying to concentrate on something other than my nose. I grabbed her arms and turned her around, slapping her ass lightly so she took the hint. Thankfully, she moved to the bathroom, bringing me a clean towel and water.
For the whole time I was trying to get the blood away from my face, she was watching me, her apologetic expression made my stomach twist with guilt. I told her I was okay, and she didn’t believe me. Was this her natural reaction, or was it because of this morning?
“Electra,” I addressed her softly, and she drifted her gaze between my eyes and my dirty hands. “I’m not dying. It’s not my first time.”
“It looks like I did it on purpose,” she whispered, frowning at me.
“Didn’t you?” I teased, faking surprise, and she finally smiled.
