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When the song came to an end, I sent him one simple message.
Me: Come to me.
Teardrops splattered onto the screen, and my eyes were too blurry to see if he’d responded.
A minute later, the door slowly creaked open, and I was surprised Dallas didn’t spring into action. It was still too dark to make out much, but I was pretty sure Dallas had lazily looked up, confirmed in the dark it was his dad, then went back to sleep.
The door closed, and I kept quiet as I waited for him with breathless anticipation.
The weight of the bed shifted, and I set aside my phone in time for his big, strong arms to envelop me.
“I got you,” he whispered into my ear, shivers rolling over my skin as I broke down all over again and sobbed.
I turned to face him, hooking my leg with his to get as close to him as possible.
“Give it to me.” His voice broke as he thumbed the tears away at my cheeks. “All of your pain,” he begged, “please, let me take it from you. Let me hold on to it so you don’t have to carry it.”
Another harsh cry escaped from deep within my chest as I whispered, “Only if you let me take yours, too.”
61
DIANA
I blinked, slowly coming to, and the sight before me had me wondering if I was actually dreaming.
I did my best to scooch upright in the bed, setting my back to the headboard while drawing the comforter to my chest.
Carter was in the doorway, handsome as ever in his jeans and white tee, quietly studying me with a mug in hand.
Putting on my glasses, I checked the time and sputtered in horror that it was ten in the morning, “I slept in.”
He shoved away from the door and strode in, his long legs carrying him my way. He set the mug on the nightstand like a peace offering and sat alongside me, resting his palm over my leg. I could feel the heat of his hand through the heavy layer of the comforter.
Why was he avoiding meeting my eyes? “You needed it.”
Memories from yesterday, from crying into his arms hours ago, assaulted me hard and fast. I became a blubbering mess again, only feeling safe to be that way with him. I squeezed my eyes shut. “They’re dead.” An even deeper cry tore from my chest. “Why didn’t Bahar become a vet instead, then she’d be alive?”
He pushed aside the comforter and pulled me against him, circling his arms around me to try and absorb my pain. He already had too much of his own, and yet here he was, shouldering mine, too.
“These things . . . when they happen to good people . . . they never make sense,” he whispered, holding my head to his chest. “Anytime I lost someone while serving, I could never understand it. We were in a war, and even then, I denied the whys and the hows. It’s human nature to feel that way.”
The cycle of grief, and the loop would never close if I let it run on repeat. But I wasn’t ready to close it yet, even if I had work to do.
For now, though, I had to make sure this incredible man, who’d only been trying to protect me, knew that my silence yesterday had nothing to do with him. I knew from his text he held a ton of guilt for not telling me, and I needed to fix that.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this earlier, but I—I’m not mad at you. And I—I don’t regret making love. You better not be feeling bad about that either.” A shiver shot up my spine, and he chased it away, rubbing soothing circles across my back.
I needed his eyes. To see him. For him to know he wouldn’t lose me. So, I pulled myself together and leaned back.
“You made the right decision to not tell me right away. You didn’t know for sure if they were really”—I fought back the surge of more tears—“gone.”
He cupped my cheeks, wiping tears with his thumbs.
“You know me so well,” I said around a hiccup.
“Maybe not enough, but I have plans to change that.” He kissed me so tenderly, gently calming the pain in my chest, walking me back from an anxiety attack.
“How?” I whispered, needing more of this, more of him, to help soothe my nerves. Find my way back to the mission to get justice for Bahar and the others.
