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“To start, after this is over, we have breakfast in bed every day,” he murmured against my lips, “while I ask you every question I can think of. Then we’ll spend the rest of the day together. Just us.” He slanted his mouth over mine, kissing me. “Dallas can join us for some of that time, I suppose. Just not when I get to know your body more.”
“Mmm. All that’s missing from this dream world you’re painting for us is dessert.”
“I think I can arrange for that. Preferably while naked,” he said in a deep voice that truly did have me feeling a moment of bliss in the midst of this chaos.
I set my hands over his. “Thank you for making me feel better. For being here for me.”
“You sure you’re not upset with me, though?” His nerves pushed through his words, and I hated how, accidentally or not, he thought my reaction yesterday had anything to do with him.
“I promise.”
Lines cut across his forehead, guilt still heavy when there should have been none. “I should have been more focused on your needs than my own, and trusted you enough to share the entire truth. I highly doubt you’d have wanted to have sex knowing there was a chance Bahar and the others were dead.”
I considered his words, then shook my head. “I’ve always known that was a possibility. I just chose not to believe it, or I’d snap. And you gave me exactly what I needed. To feel whole. To feel safe.”
He locked eyes with me, a tear escaping his eye as he finally came to terms with the fact I truly wasn’t going anywhere, he wouldn’t lose me.
“I will never wish any parts of my past away,” I began, sniffling, “so as long as they involve you.”
62
DIANA
Four days had passed since I’d learned the truth about my friends’ deaths, two since Bravo had confirmed Bahar’s brother was also dead. As expected, a trail of evidence had led to a terrorist group, allegedly sponsored by Iran, being responsible for both the Amsterdam and Montana lab hits.
A lot had happened behind the scenes while I’d worked with my team.
Some good had come from the evidence planted for Bravo to find, including locating the rest of the hostages—those taken from both Amsterdam and Montana—alive. Their stories helped provide a convincing tale that it was the terrorist group who hit both labs. Exactly what the real bad guys wanted everyone to believe.
Bahar and the others died because they’d been unlucky enough to be grouped with me when they’d split everyone up before hauling us away from Amsterdam. It was my fault.
I reached for my coffee, noticing the tremble in my hand as I recalled my last moment with Bahar at the lab. She’d been on her way to get coffee, Elmo and Einstein mugs in hand. I was going to unravel all over again at the memory. It wasn’t fair. Life isn’t fair.
A teardrop fell into my coffee, which was more cream than anything else. Carter had obliged my sweet tooth the last few days. Despite being busy with a lead he was working, he always dropped by to check on me. And he always left me with a choice of two candy bars before walking back out the door. An Almond Joy or a Mounds bar. Because sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don’t. My cry morphed into a small, sad laugh at that thought.
I swapped the coffee for one of the candy bars he’d placed next to me earlier. An Almond Joy was needed for sure.
Staring at my whiteboard, the numbers floating around like they had a tendency to do in 3D when I was both overtired and overthinking, I quietly ate the candy, thinking about Carter. About how he’d been my rock the last four days. All it took was a quick “I need you” text whenever I felt myself spiraling, and he dropped whatever he’d been doing to get to me.
He’d sit on the floor in the middle of the lab with me on his lap and hold me while I cried. No words needed to be exchanged.
Every night, he’d also let me ask him questions before I drifted off to sleep in his arms.
His mouth hadn’t touched mine, though. Forehead kisses, which were highly underrated, yes. Hugs, of course. But we both knew if our mouths had touched at any point that week, we’d lose ourselves to desire. The world could be on fire and burning all around us, and we’d be too consumed by each other for the flames to consume us. Carter could so easily draw his cloak of immortality around me and shield me from everything. Everything except grief.
I missed his kiss, though. His skin against mine. The total state of calm and bliss we both had surrendered to when our bodies had been connected those few times earlier in the week.
Throwing away my wrapper, I was tempted to text him again. Even chance a kiss. Knowing he was close to solving the “who’s behind it all” part of the equation, I decided to refrain and leave him be.
I rubbed my eyes beneath my glasses, trying to zip up my emotions. Mom had been doing it all week, even with her boyfriend still being blamed for treason and MIA, so I could do it, too.
“We’re done!” I flinched at Mya’s words, nearly dropping my glasses.
“You’re good on the cyber end for the laser?”
“The calculations check out.” Mya smiled, the first one I’d seen from her in days, and I managed a real one myself.
Her eager nod had my hand flying to my chest. Despite the news, the pressure was still there. It was solely on me to perform. “That’s great.”
