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I see no need to lie. "Six years. There was never anyone beside you. There never will be. I never once betrayed you that way."
He growls again, his voice haunted. "And that feels good. So fucking good, I'm ready to forgive you for what you did but I can't, not yet. You drive me mad, Mel. You're not good for me."
I push my ass back into him, and he slides the finger into me, adding another so that I can't hold back the gathering cry. "Oh. That feels so good, Xander."
"There's more where it came from." Then he starts fucking me in earnest, his fingers running in and out of me, slow and steady, then fast and hard, and all the time, he croons how angry he is at me.
How much he wishes he could wring my neck for what I'd done. And just how much it is that he wants me, that he wishes he could stay angry at me but just can't.
I accept all of it as my due, squealing and squeezing around his fingers, crying out again and again as he rubs his thumb against my clit, curving his fingers inside me at that same moment so that my knees go rubbery and I relax against the wall.
His fingers pinch at my nipple, tight and almost painful, and all those things combined have me rocking back into his fingers, exhaling as my orgasm finally blows over me like a wave at sea, dragging me into its dark, starry depth.
Xander bends at once and sweeps his tongue over my folds, drawing out my orgasm as his tongue sucks at my clit, his fingers pumping in and out of me as his hand cups my breasts.
I'm shaking, crying, wet, teary-eyed, shuddering, and pulsing around his fingers, my stomach fluttering with sharp swirls of pleasure that leave me feeling wrung out and yet so oddly full.
Xander pulls away, but not before giving my sensitive body one final lick that has me feeling like a second orgasm might not be too far away. Then he turns and walks away from me. Just like that.
His footsteps thud dully as he strides out. I catch his tense shoulders only as the door closes almost gently behind him.
By the time I finish washing up and make it to the bedroom, he's calmly on the bed, his phone in his hands as he makes a call to someone I can't hear.
"Tomorrow will be too late. Have it moved tonight. Right away if you can." He barks at the person on the other end of the phone.
I pull the robe tighter around my shivering body and pad on the bed beside him. The time says it's nine at night on my phone, and I know sleeping with Xander beside me will be impossible.
He gets off the phone and gets out of bed on his way to the bathroom.
"Why didn't you?" I ask softly, tears biting at my lids again. This time, because I feel sorry for us. This is no way to make a family, especially with my son hanging in the balance.
His jaw ticks, his hand, the one I can see flexing at his side. "Because you don't deserve it, Mel. I'm allowed to hold onto this anger as long as I can. It's the only thing I have left."
Then he stalks out of the room, and I wonder how mad he'll be if I tell him I'd like to sleep in a different room tonight. Just one day.
When he returns, my stomach does a free fall. He's so decadently handsome he makes me hungry just by looking like chocolate on fat red strawberries. The V of his narrow hips tapering away to the junction of his thighs, which he doesn't bother hiding.
He towels his hair calmly as he walks towards me, where he stops at the bedpost and smirks. "You look hurt. Like you've been denied your favorite dessert."
"I'm just glad you're smiling at me. I had a feeling this afternoon you'd much rather have me dead."
"I still do. Don't tempt me, Sole."
But he does slip into bed beside me without bothering for anything between us. And his guns are in the bathroom too, which makes me wonder if he has another beneath the bed. He slides his hand around my shoulders and brings me to him.
"Ryder said you were sad for months before you left." He murmurs softly into my hair, almost as though the words hurt on their way out of his lips.
I think about it, not knowing what to say. First, I'm surprised he's asking; second, I'm even more surprised that Ryder noticed that about me.
"Why are we talking about that? It's the past."
One I'd much rather leave behind me. One I didn't want to think about. One that would forever be triggering for the two of us. My heart stutters a beat, and nervous butterflies flit through my stomach.
"Because I'm wondering if it's part of the reason I don't know my son. Didn't know he even existed until this morning. Had you been planning for months to leave me? Was it not just about Lucian?"
I press my eyes closed and exhale shakily. "I wasn't. I was worried. I was angry with you for cutting me out of this thing that was obviously a huge part of who you were. And part of it was worrying about how you'd be with our child with the Famiglia demanding most of your attention, but never was I sad with you. You were my light as much as I was your sunshine."
I flip my body around so I'm staring straight into his eyes.
