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"I loved you. Fiercely. I never wanted to hurt you, but you hurt me. And I didn't want that pain getting to my child in any way."
By the time I've spilled all the words, I am breathless. And all Xander does is kiss me. Hard and strong. And I know without doubt he still hates me but that there's also hope for us.
16
XANDER
The morning dawn's clear and new, and when I wake up, my chest isn't tight and I don't feel immediately angry at the world. The light streaming in through the open windows feels warm across my face, and I shade my eyes and sit up with a stretch.
The window is never open. It's too much of a hazard. But I find Mel at the vanity, dressed in a gown made of a soft blue fabric that has me thinking of clear days.
My head must really still be hazy with sleep because I don't immediately feel like slipping my hands around her neck.
She turns to me with a smile. "I've called Daniel. He's on his way here with Lucian. I thought you might like to meet him finally."
And without warning, a nervous sweep of emotions makes its way through me. He's my son, and I shouldn't be worried about meeting him. But I am. "What does he know about me?"
I swing my feet out of bed and feel a surge of lust when Mel slides her eyes slowly over my skin. I take a step towards her and then stop when I remember I'm supposed to be mad at her.
I grind my molars and run a hand through my hair in frustration.
"Nothing much. He's been too young to really ask. And Daniel and your brothers had taken much of a rather active role in his life."
So my son doesn’t know about me. But more than that… every damned person in my life does, minus me.
My heart wrenches painfully, and I swivel from her to the bathroom, where I shower fast, muttering all the time about how I want to meet my son.
I smile in the mirror, making a caricature of what I think a disarming smile should look like. I shake my head and then step out of the bathroom into the room where Mel is missing.
I take a long time dressing, discarding my usual black for more colors, all the while thinking of my son, praying he likes me, hoping he doesn't hate me at first sight. I step into a pair of soft home sandals and call Ryder finally.
He picks up immediately, almost as though he'd been waiting for my call. "Cancel all the meetings I have today. I'll be unavailable."
Ryder is silent for a second. "Sandro already called. He's in trouble. He might need help."
"I don't fucking care if all the world burns to the ground. Cancel everything."
I hang up the phone and drop it to the bed before walking out of the room. I can already hear voices as I walk down the stairs. I stop and raggedly exhale. Then I stride into the kitchen where the voices are coming from.
The boy is the first person I see because he's sitting on the island, his head bent towards Mel, who looks up at me with a nervous smile. He turns to me with an almost smile; then he holds his hands out to his mother, who lifts him from the island.
Immediately his feet touch the ground, he walks over to me in a strong parody of my own confident stalk that has me almost smiling too. He stops in front of me and holds his hand out in a handshake.
"My mom says you're my dad."
And I'm floored, just like that. He has my heart and all of me too.
Everything there is to give has been given. I bend a knee before him, an action I never have taken even once in the entirety of my life.
"Yes, I am. My name's Xander Amory."
Then I shake his hands before pulling him snug into me and promising to never let him go. There is no doubt he's mine. None at all. He smells of Mel's hug and the slight breezy smell of a warm bath.
Lucian pulls away and smiles. "My mom says this is your house. Which makes it my house, and I have my own room too."
I nod and smile right back. "And any other room you could need."
Mel sniffles, and I look at her, just at the same time Lucian does too, tilting his head as though he doesn't understand why. "Mommy's crying." He states factually.
