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Mom shakes her head, looking as defeated as I feel right now. “No, and she begged me not to either. She said she didn’t want to worry him or cause a fight between him and their parents. She was worried that would have set him off.”
“You’re damn right it would have! He would have wanted to know,” I growl, gripping the edge of the wooden table with my hands.
“I know. But it’s not our place, sweetheart. No matter how sad it might be.”
Of course Zoe would take Aaron’s feelings into consideration before her own, even though she quite literally had no place to go. I drop my head, focusing on the dents and grooves in the table, trying to sort through the hurricane in my own head and figure out a way I can make this problem go away for Zoe permanently.
I glance up to find my mother looking over my features, picking out the clear concern in my face.
“One more thing… I found out last week that she’s back at home with them. She was all smiles, acting like none of it had happened. When I tried to bring it up, she just walked off.” Mom frowns.
Fucking Christ.
“That’s why you wanted to stay here for Christmas? For her? In case something happened?”
She nods slowly, frowning down at her tea.
Chewing the inside of my mouth, I force myself to stay in my seat and not lunge at my mother to give her a big hug. She has always had a heart of gold, not being able to give up on anyone or anything, and expecting nothing in return.
“Everyone left her here. You all moved on, but she’s stuck in this hell hole with parents who constantly abuse her, and I don’t understand why. Why would she choose to stay? She can go anywhere. She can go live with Aaron in New York.”
Because she doesn’t know any different. How can you want something better when you’ve never seen it, felt it in the palm of your hands, felt the flutter of its beating heart? When all you’ve done is love everyone but never received it in return. She’s only known pain and heartbreak, or maybe she’s never allowed herself to want things she believes she doesn’t deserve.
Because who would love you when your own flesh and blood can’t?
“Zoe doesn’t think she deserves love.” And when you’ve lived with that type of loneliness your entire life, you become frightened to even hope for the alternative.
CHAPTER 8
DOMINIK
Ishould be exhausted after hours of travel and talking to Mom until way past her bedtime, but sleep is the last thing on my mind. I keep tossing and turning, unable to shut my brain off, especially after everything we talked about tonight.
Everything Zoe has been battling all on her own. Alone and likely feeling completely lost in a dark world she can’t escape. I want to drag her away and save her from all of this. Save her from herself, because she would rather hide in darkness than seek the light.
The need to see her is overpowering. I know it’s wrong. That I have no business showing up to check in on her, but I need to make sure she’s okay. Because after everything life has thrown at her, she still gets up every morning and moves forward. I can only imagine the disarray inside her head, but she’s become so good at hiding it all. She thought no one saw the sadness she carried on her shoulders, but I felt the weight of it just by looking at her.
She is one of the strongest women I know. It takes a different kind of strength to tuck your tail between your legs and move back home after your parents kept you prisoner in your own room. She could have reported them, but she didn’t…fuck, I can’t imagine what that must have felt like.
I find myself wondering if Zoe still laughs wholeheartedly, allowing herself a moment of stillness amongst the chaos in her life. I miss her in all the ways.
I miss the little things she did and the way her hair whipped in the wind. The tiny dimple that appeared beside her lip whenever she was concentrating on something, or the way her right brow twitched when she was angry. I miss her like the flowers miss the sun at night. Like a book missing its favorite chapter, longing to finish a story untold. I’m a puzzle, missing my final piece, incomplete and in utter yearning for something I’ve obsessed about for years.
My need for her is an echo in an empty canyon, searching endlessly for my cadence.
If the guys were to find out I’m secretly into poetry and classical literature, they would never let me live it down. Athletes aren’t supposed to like reading, right?
Maybe I want Zoe because she’s always been unattainable to me.
Maybe just a taste would liberate me from her haunting grasp.
Getting out of bed, I take note of the time. It’s after two in the morning, and she’s likely asleep, but that’s never stopped me before. Throwing on my black jeans, oversized hoodie, and hat, I head for the door.
Zoe and Aaron’s childhood home sits just a block away from Mom’s house. It made our high school hangouts effortless, especially when I faced strict curfews, but staying over at Aaron’s place was always allowed for some reason. His parents were fond of me, seeing me as a positive influence on Aaron, but truthfully, I think it was the other way around.
The guy is more competitive than an entire Olympic team combined. He challenges himself every day, striving to be better than he was from the day before. I’m a driven person, and naturally, that kept the fire growing in Aaron as well. We competed in everything. Grades, sports, likability….and even getting girls. As soon as Aaron and I started hanging out, our grades went up and my performance skyrocketed on the ice.
So it wasn’t a surprise when I found out our sexual preferences were aligned as well. Although, Aaron is a true dominant, in the sense that he has to have control in every aspect, inside and outside the bedroom. He is a master and seeks a true submissive. He’s very secretive about his relationships though, so I’ve had to piece things together over the years.
